To clarify, by “it” I mean specifically AA. I still want to be sober. But as I’m going through the steps I’m taken aback by how negative they all are. You are weak and powerless. You write out your resentments. You have character defects only a God can remove.

And then there’s the famous 9th step about making amends. I feel like AA is under the assumption that all alcoholics live very confrontational lives. But my addiction was a very isolated one. I didn’t have an SO to cheat on, I didn’t have friends to steal money from, nor did I steal money from my family. (AA seems to be under the assumption that all people with addiction did all that). I’m not saying I’m a perfect saint, but I just didn’t live the lifestyle that AA seems to think all people with addition have lived. I’m also not sure if it’s a good idea for a person who’s deeply struggled with low self esteem and extreme self loathing to be constantly hearing that they are a weak powerless person with severe character defects. I don’t need AA to tell me that, my brain is already doing it.

I’m thinking of trying out SMART recovery, even though there aren’t many in-person meetings around me. I don’t know what my point in this post is, guess I needed to get this off my chest. I’ve been feeling really down doing step work, like the volume of my depression had been turned up to 11 lately. Would love to hear from people who can relate, especially people who struggle with low self esteem and negative self image.