Granted I am very early on in my recovery. Bad/dangerous habits included: driving drunk (never been caught or arrested); fighting with and abusing my roommate; lying to and omitting information when talking with my family; going to work hungover; seeking out and doing blow whilst already pretty drunk.

I'm at a PHP program now and once a week a 12-step guy comes in to basically preach at us for an hour. He goes back quite often to the first step, admitting that you're powerless, that you need to surrender to a higher power, etc. etc.

Idk about anyone else but that makes me uncomfortable! I have social supports. I have a masters degree. I've always thrived on the feeling of having some degree of power. Some of the moments when I've felt absolutely crushed by life, when I felt like I had no power were the times I've gone straight to drinking or using. While I can see the potential benefit of surrending yourself to something greater, I'm simultaneously nervous at what that sort of complacency might do to my willingness to recognize a problem in the first place and continue seeking help. If I'm powerless to my addiction, do I have any other choice but to recognize a God (which in the past I have not)? Will that not open the door to a quick and easy relapse?

I asked that exact question to Mr. Preacher guy -- "If one has no experience acknowledging a higher power, how does one avoid blaming oneself for addictive behaviors and feeling like an utterly worthless piece of trash?" He ignored the question entirely in fact. He spoke instead to what God can mean to you. I'm familiar with that concept already. He didn't answer my question.