I’m Ranting because I’m not able to express this anywhere else , but I’ve battled drugs nearly my whole life. on and off I’ve used for 30 Years. I’m currently clean thank god but I’m getting old and the amount of regret I have for the waste of my life that drugs has robbed me of. It stole everything my youth ,my teens etc all the normal things people do having hobbies etc nothing my brain can’t stand quite for a Few seconds before I’m bored .I’ve been a shit parent and partner and no I’m clean I’m no real use to any of my family as they are used to me doing nothing so won’t ever look to me for help even though I’m wanting to give and am present.I used to wake up daily thinking fuck man I’m still here why can’t god just kill me in My sleep. Which I’m not suicidal but I sit here and think I have no purpose no use I’m not reliable to anyone I’m basically a 46 year child who can’t be relied upon which is pathetic ye I have massive amounts of guilt and rightly so .tia rant over