I will keep a long story as short as possible. I am clean (complete abstenance) from drugs and alcohol since June of 1992. I am in my late 40s and for the most part successfull in life - married, kids, degrees, great job, home etc. I worked steps 1-9 multiple times during my journey - and not just AA. However, if I am honest steps ten through 12 are a bitch to keep up with and I have not done them in a long time. I think as a result of skimping on the maintinance steps I am still freaking twisted and my addictive personality still controls me. Meaning I act out in different ways. I love women. Love their smiles, shapes, etc. (Trying to keep it semi clean). I love the thrill of new intimacy. The biggest rush comes with NSA - which I think is wrong BTW (maybe not for you but it is in my eyes). The point is, part of me that wants to be sane/safe/respectfull, which means I should not take sexual risks. But there is the twisted part of me that loves to be bad, craves the thrill, needs to feel wanted, and likes the risk (don’t judge). And another part of me that just does not give a shit anymore. I am a hypocrite and I know it - I mean look at my name.

Am I alone? Am I terminally unique?