Hello, I don’t know where to start I am so angry right now. I’m 21 and have been dealing with a lot of emotional pain especially in the past 4 years. It’s lead me to places I didn’t know I could end up in and for the past few weeks I’ve been on and off about getting into harder drugs. I feel so stupid because I’ve heard this story so much. But man I am in pain. It hurts to live. It has hurt to live for a long long time and it’s only until recently that it’s become unbearable. It started with weed last year. I wanted to do it for fun and I ended up doing it off and on. Last year something bad happened where I ended up souring another friendship. Spring 2024 I was feeling hurt all the time. Then, I started doing it more frequently. This year, if I have enough edibles I will do it at least once a day. This summer I was abroad and decided to try xtc. It didn’t work at all because I was on Zoloft but still I crossed the threshold. For the past few weeks I’ve been considering getting drugs the same way I got them last time, through telegram. Now I KNOW it’s a scam most of the time but god everything hurt all the time and I decided today to say fuck it and try. After hours of texts back and forth I am now short of 50 dollars and with more pain than ever. I am shaking. This is insane. Oh and please don’t tell me about getting therapy. I’ve been TRYING to get a therapist for SO LONG and something always happens. I’m currently in touch with someone that will hopefully end up being a good fit. I am alone. I have no one to support me. There are people around me but I can’t lean on them. I don’t feel safe around anyone. I know a probable reason why all of this is happening and that’s another reason I don’t lean on people. PEOPLE DONT BELIEVE ME. I am going crazy. No one believes me.