Iigh so boom i had an unfortunate situation w a friend in 2017. I hadn’t reported it cause He thought it was consensual. All i did was try not to be around him anymore. cause the next time i saw him after was nuts, I was sooo paranoid and felt deaf. And every time the whole group of friends (which are all guys) laughed, i thought they were laughing at me. Right after i was raped i had to go to florida to see my dad. I didnt have time to process so i just “You’re okay you’re okay” myself to death and to sleep every night.

Thats when the hypersexuality sort of started. Well it started when i was in kindergarten but now it was more devious? In a way? My social anxiety got worse too. I disassociated myself from my friends and family, fought w my boyfriend alot and wanted sex all the time. It was almost all i spoke about. now i get these fits of horniness that if I don’t satisfy i lowkey feel i want to claw at myself? Im noticing it happens every year since it happened.

OH i started drinking ALOT too. which sucks cause im a weed smoker.

Anyway, shit has been sad and horny. Like i was trying to take the pleasure in sex back. Eventually i started doing female domination which really helped alot. Became very confident, embraced myself, and my social anxiety calmed alot.

Then i had a weird tinder experience where this guy pressured me into sex and wouldnt let me leave till i made him cum. and its reallly fucked up how i act with men romantically. Now im very distrustful of what men say and refuse to pick up social cues. Ive become alot more of a bitter bitch than i had ever intended. I yearn for the days where i was open and trustful in the universe and now i just... I have to keep in mind that although i was better to be around, I was more prone to being taken advantage of.

So im asking for help, someone to talk to, black female therapists (yes it matters), your coping mechanisms, advice, videos, guided meditations, anything