Ok, I just want some input on my wacky mind.

I have occasional sleep paralysis. It usually only happens when I'm extremely stressed and/or depressed, and I don't have the normal creepy, supernatural sleep paralysis. It feels more like a lucid dream that I'm forced to watch. I'm never able to stop what's happening in any way.

Recently, I came home from a long weekend concert/conference that was about 5 hours away. I didn't drive, or anything, but I did have a lot of awkward backseat sleep.

Finally, I made it home. I watched some YouTube before deciding to take a shower. I had nice, steamy shower, and I just let the hot water flow onto my back.

That's when it went to help. I felt myself doze off and I awoke standing frozen in the shower. Through my blurry glass shower door, I see a large man forcing himself onto some girl on the ground. After several minutes of struggling, he stands up and approaches me. I suddenly realize that it's me. Some evil me just raped that girl, and all I could do is watch. Then, I just snapped out of it. I turned off the shower and went to bed.

This terrified me incredibly, because I was raped when I was 8. It's not like I have any rape fantasies, or anything. I genuinely hate myself for even thinking of it. I feel like a cliche bully bringing pain on other people, because he gets it at home.