Hi all, I grew up with a lot of racial trauma. Wishing i was blonde hair
blue eyed, like barbie and elsa, when i grew up. when i went to
school kids would make fun of the food i brought so i asked my mom to let me bring bologna sandwiches so i didnt have to hear them say
my food smells weird or other rude things. As I grew up, i got
involved in relationship with alt right supporting white guys and
it ended up very abusive and dehumanizing. They initially made me
feel accepted because they said asians are honorary aryans per
Hitler and that we are more like whites and would be accepted into
the ethnostate they planned to carve out. But the relationship
became sexually traumatizing in a very racial way. I finally had the
courage to leave them, but to this day I still suffer from some
form of PTSD from the abusive racism. I wake up in the middle of
the night and am haunted by nightmares from the abuse I endured.
Its hard to talk about this with people in person because it often
results in instant judgment. Especially from my best friends or
my boyfriend.