Before I went to college I was super innocent and sheltered. I had never done alcohol or drugs and had never dated. Home was tough. While I knew my parents cared about me and my siblings, they had an incredibly toxic relationship. It was traumatic tbh.

At 18 I went off to college. I told myself I would do everything I wasn’t able to do before. I became very involved early on. I was in student government, student activities, in a sorority, in the honors college, and other activities. Frankly, I thrived. I had lots of friends, would go out every weekend, and I loved my independence. One weekend I went to a sorority party. I was very drunk. Too drunk. I tried to go to the restroom. There was a long line so I waited. There was a friend there. As my then came, he opened the door for me, I went inside and he went weed behind me and closed the door. It was a tight space. I wanted to get out. He wouldn’t let me. He pushed me against the sink and pushed me up. I told him no. He pulled my pants down. I kept saying no. He began to thrust and I kept saying no. I didn’t have e strength to fight him off.

A sorority sister banged on the door. She somehow managed to get him to open and she pulled me out. That was that. We didn’t talk about what happened.

I was lost, confused, and angry. I questioned what happened. But I knew I kept saying no. It messed me up. I eventually told my roommate weeks later. It took so much for me to tell her. One day, I come home from work to find that there’s a party going on. This was strange as we always told each other when we would plan socials. I looked around and see him. I froze. He walked up to me, gives me a hug and whispers in my ear, “I missed you.”

I lost myself after that. I drank my pain, I began to do drinks I never thought I would, and I pushed all my friends away. I made new friends that I felt understood me. They were just as broken as me. My grades tanked. I was out of control. I could have easily not come back.

It’s taken me many years but I have managed to work on myself and I’m quite successful now. I have a loving partner, a thriving career, lots of friends, and I live in a far away state from where I used to live.

I was just scrolling Facebook and I saw his disgusting face. He had a white coat on. Turns out he’s in school in a doctorate of physical therapy program. He’s going to be a doctor. The POS that sexually assaulted me is going to be a doctor.

I am crushed. I want to yell. Scream. A d it won’t do anything. I can feel the urge to lose myself again. I can’t believe this is happening. I don’t know what to do.