I’m a 19 year old male college student. I was raped by a male camp counselor when I was maybe 12 or 13. He would groom my friends and I by offering us soda, candy, money, etc. We saw him as “the cool counselor” and I thought he was just treating us like the teenagers we just became. One day, him and I were alone in a locker room at the camp when he locked they door from the outside and forced me to, well you get it. He took photographs, which were eventually distributed and sold. I told my parents after it happened, and we went to the police. (I’m in the USA btw). An investigation began with the FBI, and they found over 500 counts of child pornography on my rapists computer, including pictures of me and other boys. I wasn’t his only victim, but I was the one who spoke up. Long story short, he is in prison for life with no possibility of parole. Now teleport to modern day. I have trouble sustaining any sort of romantic relationship without getting panic attacks as soon as something gets slightly sexual. I feel violated, disgusting, and robbed. I’m a 19 y/o guy in college. I should be a normal guy going on dates and making a name for myself. Instead I can’t even kiss someone without getting so panicked I throw up. I’ve worked with a therapist to try to overcome what I went through, but I can’t help the way my body reacts to anything slightly sexual :( I’ve began to realize the importance of a positive mental attitude. I’m not going to allow my past to effect my future. I can’t let a traumatic experience change my odds at achieving my dreams. I’ve found it’s super important to keep up with your hobbies, and talk to people when you feel down. Even going on a walk and talking to strangers (not about rape obviously) helps to make yourself feel better. I just need to find the right girl that is willing to be patient with me. You only live once, so try to enjoy the life you were gifted. It’s a beautiful world out there👍🏼