Was this rape?

Sorry this is going to be long.

So this happened my second semester freshman year of college and I’m just now piecing together stuff.

Ok so I was super depressed and was drowning my feelings w alcohol. One night I was snapping this random guy who I’ve never met and we were talking and he knew how drunk I was. (At least like 6 shots in the past hour) and he was sober. He invited me to his place to drink with him and even though I knew he wanted to fuck I absolutely did not but I was so depressed and lonely that I went over. I offered him a drink and he said no. We watched a movie and then he asked me if he could kiss me and I said yes. We started making out for a while and I knew he wanted to fuck but I did not but I was like ugh whatever I guess I’ll do it. I gave him a bj and then I don’t remember much after that but all the sudden I remember being on his bed. BUTT ASS NAKED. Here’s where it gets sketchy cuz even though I was like ugh ig I’ll sleep w him, never in any hookups have I ever been FULLY butt ass naked. Only in the PITCH BLACK dark in the hot tub, anything else i had a shirt on or my underwear. Anyways I remember waking up and he was on top of me like his whole body weight. I’m not a hundred percent sure but I’m pretty sure he was fingering me bc I remember the pain and I think that’s what “woke me up” bc if fucking hurt. And while he was on top of me I realized what was happening and stuff and was like wait no I actually don’t want to do this and I kept telling him to slow down and to wait and he wouldn’t and I tried to make out with him and move his hand and he ended up pinning my wrists down above my head and making out with me but still fingering me. When I tell u that shit hurt. It fucking hurt I thought I was bleeding. Anyways fast forward I’m able to talk him out of me and I tell him point blank that I don’t want to do it anymore and he starts getting upset and saying stuff like “we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do but… and then goes on a rant abt how we should do it” and one thing that blows me is he point blank said “we don’t have to but you were the one that initiated it and wanted to do stuff first” and he was right so I just gave in and we started making out again and then he starts trying to put his dick in me and I keep stopping him like wait and slow down fast forward again I somehow manage to stop him and get out of there.

Why I’m confused is because he didn’t actually put his dick in me so I don’t know if that’s considered rape? But also I don’t think I was cuz D to V penetration never happened and plus it was literally all my fault. Like I went over to this guys house at 3am pissed drunk and initiated stuff.

So what do you guys think? Be honest cuz I’ve been debating this for a couple days.