This is a heartfelt message for anyone who struggles with rape.

Life threw some curveballs at me. I’ve had to deal with stuff from childhood, abusive relationships, various rapes and grooming. I always wanted to see the best in everyone, but sadly some people want to take advantage of that. I didn’t realize how much pain and trauma I was suppressing until this year when I became extremely depressed. I suffer from MDD and recently tried to off myself because the pain was too much.

I failed, obviously, but was sent to the psych ward where I started realizing just how broken I’ve become because I thought I was doing the “grown-up” thing by suppressing my pain. Then I would have these manic episodes where I would romanticize these people because it was my way of dealing with what happened— I wanted so desperately to change the narrative.

Trauma is rough, I know. I’ve seen a lot of posts of people struggling. From the bottom of my heart I truly feel for you all. You’re not a freak, there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re still beautiful and handsome and strong, even when you feel weak.

I guess my point is this: you have to feel and accept the pain. At the same time know that it’s okay if you felt pleasure from it as I, and many others, have. It’s a total mindfuck, I know, but this is what it means to be human — to experience life fully. To make mistakes and learn. To forgive yourself for whatever you think you did wrong (you did nothing wrong, but I know I had to learn to forgive myself for the pain I went through). To love again. To have hope again. To know that sometimes medication is okay and can help rewire your brain if needed.

I don’t know if I’m completely okay yet, but I’m better. I hope this gives you guys hope. Please don’t suppress your pain. Feel it, so it doesn’t kill you. 🤍✨