As a 25 year old female, I constantly am asked when I'm marrying and having kids. I see a lot of other people my age uninterested in having kids as well. But, I'm so infuriated, despondent, and just sickened by the whole thought process. This doesn't apply to everyone else that doesn't want kids, but I personally don't want any of my own for several reasons. I can't stand the guilt of selfishly wanting to birth my own child to inherit my genes when there are so many other unwanted children hoping to be adopted or fostered by a good family. I would love to adopt or foster one day. I've been asked before, "what if you adopt a sociopath?" Well, I unfortunately suffer from depression and have deformities in my ancestry, so I'm not exactly in line to have the healthiest most perfect baby by birth either. And, to be frank, I'd feel far guiltier birthing a clinically depressed baby than if I were to adopt a sociopathic child. At least in that case I didn't force a soul into this cruel world to be miserable and did my best to make another existing child comfortable.

Then, I get lividly angry. I think about the irresponsibility that led to all these children in the system. I think about how incredibly selfish these parents were for wanting to get their rocks off when they weren't ready to either have an abortion or raise a child.

Then, I'm downright exhausted by the fact that we failed those parents that abandoned their children. We failed in teaching them what they needed to know to prevent pregnancy. We fail to teach people to be financially literate and safely, sexually confident or independent. As a society, we drastically fail to support sexually active people with the appropriate resources to prevent unwanted pregnancies.

And, it all makes me so angry. Angry about how helpless I feel to do anything about it. Angry about how much guilt I have with the thought of selfishly having my own child instead of investing my motherhood in a child that is otherwise suffering. Angry thinking about the friends I've had to provide emotional support for because of a pregnancy scare. Angry thinking about the pro-lifers that don't care about all the unwanted children past birth. Angry thinking about how much I would absolutely love to have my own damn child if I didn't have all this guilt. Angry thinking about even if I ever considered having my own child, I'm so crippled by my own self-consciousness regarding what my body would look like after childbirth that I probably wouldn't even be able to go through with it in a healthy mindset. Angry that if it were a perfect world and all children stayed with families and foster care was nonexistent, I STILL would choose not to have a child because I am so brainwashed by a society that looks upon a woman's body post-pregnancy without respect and without beauty. Angry that I also feel selfish for not wanting kids and wanting to enjoy my life without the extra responsibility and for being vain about bodily changes I might endure. I fucking hate all of these feelings so goddamn much, and I hate how bitter it makes me feel.

TLDR: I can't imagine birthing offspring in a world so rotten where motherhood lacks the glory it deserves and other existing kids are already suffering daily.