I'm so fucking irrelevant that just reading this annoys the fuck out of me. Anytime I put myself out there (which I've been doing for a couple years now) I'm shot down so fucking hard. Every relationship with anyone I've ever had has been a one way street where I have to put so much effort just to have any kind of human contact. I've even questioned whether I had some kind of social disability but I've taken so many tests that conclude that I'm not even close to the spectrum. So then I'm just a fucking loser and I'm an artist which just makes it so much worse. Because I create things that are supposed to be judged by other people, and I only get shut down by getting ignored anytime I try to share it with anyone.

Social media is such a fucking nightmare on my mental health to where I'm genuinely starting to look forward to death because I don't feel wanted in any respect in life. In the last couple of years I've learned how to dress, compliment people, be confident, make small talk, and be myself. And I'm still doing this for every person and interaction I have with people to which I don't see changing, it's important to note that this whole side of me is completely hidden and doesn't get shown. If you were to meet me I'd put a lot of effort into who you are, I can read body language very well, and talk about whatever. I hate that even when I feel genuinely happy with who I am and I'm put in a scenario where I'd have to be chosen, I'm not even considered. Nobody thinks about me at all and if I stopped actively texting people in my life it would be as if I never existed and people would go on as if nothing ever happened or not even notice.

Nobody gives a fuck about me and nobody ever will. No matter how much I try to improve myself, how much energy I put into something or someone, I will never be recognized for anything and I'm going to die alone. And honestly fuck it, I'm such a worthless waste of space because if that's how people feel about me then that's just how it is.