I will leave this rant here, because I have been really hurt the last weekend. I am open to hear any opinions about my actions or the actions of anyone in this rant.

There is this girl I started dating a few months ago. We met through some friends of ours, and we would hang out with them until eventually I decided to ask her to hang out alone. She seemed a little insecure, but generally nice. We got along well and would have many things to talk about, which was why I wanted to make a move on her. We talked about it but she was reluctant. To her it "felt wrong" to date a friend and because I did not want to push her so we left it at that. Next time we met we talked again and she told me she wants to give it a try because she feels close to me and we can talk about anything. I was really happy about that as well. The only condition was that no one should know about it, since we share too many friends and some of them tend to be a bit obnoxious.

Now the beginning went good, we saw each other in the weekends, would hang out and watch things together in my living room. We had some cocktails and stuff and would always make out a bit in the evening when we were in bed, but didn’t move it any further because she needed time until she was ready for sex. All was okay, except for the many blue balls that had been had, but I am not the person to force someone who is already super insecure.

Now time went on, and with her uni work she didn’t have much time to hang out. When she had time she would hang out with her mother because she felt bad about her being alone. We generally started to drift apart a bit. If I didn’t ask her to hang out I wouldn’t hear anything for weeks, and while I had been excited to see her it all felt a bit like just being friends. She had told me she is not the most emotional and I was okay with it, but I still didn’t really feel as if she even wanted to spend time together. We didn’t write much anymore and she would take days to reply my messages.

My life was pretty much like being single during that time with the eventual day in the weekend we would hang out. This relationship was starting to wear me down because she didn’t seem committed at all. We didn’t fight though and normally had a nice time together but I started to lose interest in her. Towards the end we would see each other mostly when our other friends were present, which also meant we couldn’t talk about our relationship. The next time we hung out in private we talked about everything and we decided that we should stay friends and let everything be the way it was before we had started dating. Her reason being that she can’t offer me what I need and that she is a person for whom family and friends come first. My reason being that there everything was so distant.

This went well for a week but then the other friends, not knowing about our relationship, used her Facebook account to send a relationship request to a close friend of mine. From what I know he actually had tried to make a move on her during the time I was seeing the girl but had gotten rejected by her. Now This friend is a bit of a troll and quite obnoxious from time to time. He went along with the joke and accepted the request and that was basically when the whole crap started. She cancelled the Facebook relationship the next day but it turned for the other friends into this insider joke. The joke being that they had been together and she dumped my friend. My friend, who supposedly got dumped was the worst at it, he would start calling her his ex and joke about how he still had feelings for her. He kept talking about how hurt he was and that it seems he has only been a fuckboy for her. At the same time she kind of joined a bit pretending that they split up in a friendly way. Back then It was still bearable for me but a bit annoying.

Now this joke went on for pretty much two weeks until it started to escalate. We had a party. Now the parties in the past sometimes got a bit out of hand because the guys just get trashed. My close friend being one of the people who gets the most obnoxious and vulgar when he drinks. As he got drunk and the other guys as well, they basically didn’t stop for the whole evening to yell at him to fuck her and basically cheering him on. He, going with the joke of being rejected by the girl started grabbing her ass and hitting on her really obnoxiously while playing that there were still feelings and threatening the other guys as a joke by pretending that they are hitting on his girl. He would tell her stuff like “ let me spit in your mouth” and talking about fucking her cunt and whatever. I know it was just supposed to be a joke and that they didn’t know she and I just had stopped seeing each other, which put me in a really stupid position. On one hand I am hurt because the feelings for her kind of come up again. On the other hand I was not able to do anything about it because no one is supposed to know about us and she just letting everything happen. I had a horrible evening and couldn’t leave because I had to wait a few hours to sober up again.

The night I slept really bad and decided to write her how hurt I am for her letting me be there and having to put up with that shit. I told her that I need to distance myself from her and would not go on the holiday we had all planned together with the other friends. At the same time I told her I will also distance myself from the other friends because I am fed up with being around them. I had had many problems with the group years ago, way before she even had joined and the whole drinking and same immature jokes are just something that was starting to get genuinely boring to me. With the last evening just being the trigger for me to stop being around them.

The next day she called me and came over because she had to talk to me. We talked about the whole relationship and everything after that. She started crying and telling me that she doesn’t want to lose me. That she had decided to stop dating because she was starting to feel too much for me. That she never really gave us a chance. She told me she should have never kept it a secret between the two of us because of how it all went with the group. Basically telling me that she has trouble expressing her feelings and she couldn’t tell them off because that is something she never learned to do. Asking me to please consider staying friends and that she would give her best to fix whatever there is to fix. I was really hurt. I told her how the relationship had been a disappointment for me because I had the feeling she wouldn’t open up emotionally and not give it a chance. She went on talking about how if she ever got another chance everything would be different. She would really give it a chance the next time because now she notices how much I mean to her and that she doesn’t want to lose me. She asked me about if there would ever be the possibility of us becoming friends again and I told her that I need time before I could even make a decision.

Now after all the talk she sent a message in the group chat of our friends saying: “Guys, could you please stop with the jokes about being in a relationship with the other friend? It was fun at first but now I am starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. Thank you for your understanding”. To me this was just like a kick in the nuts because she had told me she would tell them how she felt about the last night and that it really hurt and she wouldn’t be able to stand it anymore if the others were to continue. I told her that she must be fucking kidding about that message since it was nothing like what we had talked about and I was in the same group and obviously get the message as well. But according to her she didn’t wan’t to sound like "a bitch who has no sense of humour”. Now the whole thing started again, that I must understand she doesn’t know how to express her emotions and that she is really hurt by the other guys. To me this all seemed like a joke: Right when I am hurt the most she just half asses everything, just like she did with out relationship while telling me she is "trying her best”.

Now the next thing that happened was that the next day she told one of the friends about me possible stopping contact with the group. I had told her that in private, assuming it would stay between us. I didn’t tell her specifically that it should stay between us because it seemed to go without saying. My problem with it was that I was already fucking pissed and hurt because of the way everything had been going. Right when I wanted to reflect on everything alone and was seriously considering not staying friends anymore she broke my trust. I then had to confront the group the same day because they came over to change my mind about not wanting to stay friends anymore. This was something i really didn’t want to cope with at the moment. I had already made up my mind anyway and had nothing really to say to them. They apologised and told me this would never have happened if they knew anything about me dating the girl and that they didn’t do anything wrong, since they didn’t know. What annoyed me the most was that they told me that they don’t understand how i can get fed up with them since i am used to them being that way. And rationalising my emotions away, because in the past, according to them, thing have been a lot better. As I wanted I told them that I want my distance and they left again.

I obviously talked to the girl about why she told the group something like this, since it was none of her business. According to her it I need my friends right now, even if I want to be alone. She also told me that she was aware that I didn’t want the friends to hear it from her. She loves me and doesn’t want myself to push my friends away because she was being stupid, and not them.

That was the last straw for me. The girl is the last person in the world to decide what I need at the moment, which is what I told her and that I can’t be fucked to have her in my life anymore. Since then I haven’t had any contact anymore with her or anyone from the group.

Now I am still hurt. It’s something that can’t go out of my head. If I think about it there is no reason for me to stay friends with any of them. The girl could’t satisfy me mentally, emotionally or sexually and I don’t see why I should even consider being friends, since I know I will get over her and meet new people and eventually even forget about her even existing. I also know she is not the kind of person who actually keeps her word, which she proved to me enough already. At the same time she is not the person who hurts people on purpose but the way everything went, let me ask myself how someone can be so inconsiderate. My friends, have been crappy, but I don’t really blame them too much for this situation, since in the end they didn’t know about us being together. Over the years I had other things happen with them and I am not really enjoying spending my time with them anymore. They are what I would call toxic friends, who are just looking to get trashed and the whole peer pressure and teasing is just too much to enjoy anymore. Not all of them are to blame though since one or two are not too bad. The main two guys, one being the friend who was hitting on her, have come to be unbearable.

End of rant

TL;DR: Started dating girl who wanted to keep our relationship secret because we share a lot of friends. She turned out to be emotionally super distant and not really committing to the relationship so we stopped dating. Next my friends started jokingly hitting on her, not knowing we dated, which hurt me a lot because the girl didn’t do anything about it. Now she comes telling me how she doesn’t want to lose me and that she loves me, while making everything worse and breaking my trust. Told all of them to leave me alone.

edit: For context i am male and 22 years old