The only constant thing about my life is being told and made me feel im never going to be good enough. They say when one door closes another one opens but that seems not applicable to me. Its always door slamming on my face but never another door opening. They say, you are never denied only redirected. But me, there seems to be no redirection. Its always denied. Whether in the aspect of career, relationships, and my life as a whole its always rejection, denial. I dont get chosen for anything. Not even the person who get picked last. Its worse. Im the person who doesnt get picked. Even when I get to the finish line, somehow i still finish last. Am I not ever gonna be good enough to be chosen? To be considered? To be appreciated? Im not trying to seek validation, I guess what I am trying to point out is that am I such a huge failure that even when I'm trying my hardest to better myself, try my hardest to be the best i can be, somehow it doesnt workout for me in the end. I still fail. The constant rejection, denial, failure has become so frequent that I start to doubt myself. The self confidence chipping away slowly, disappearing like smoke. Im not young anymore and I've never really made anything out for myself. I feel irelevant and insignificant anymore. No hope or motivation. I guess im still here but on auto-pilot if that makes sense. And i dont know how long I'll be on auto-pilot. Im so close to breaking and i dont know what to do really. 💔