I can't fucking handle it. It's just too overwhelming. They told me it would get better when I was more experienced, and it kind of did, but it's still terrible.

They could never hope to cover every possible situation in driver's ed. Not like any of my instructor's gave a shit anyways. And half of the stuff you learn in driver's ed goes out the fucking window with how often you're actually expected to break the rules for safety. It's just too much fucking pressure and stress. I can't handle it. Is everybody just winging it?

I caused a car accident about two years ago, when I was still relatively inexperienced. No one was hurt, thankfully. But the guilt lingered with me for months, and I'm still not really over it. I don't know what I would do if something like that happened again. I couldn't live with myself. And I've had some close calls since. I don't know what's wrong with me, it's not like I'm drunk, high, or on my phone either.

I broke down yesterday in front of my mom yesterday over all this. I feel trapped. She says I should go to the doctor to try and handle something that would probably affect my driving ability. I don't think it will change anything in the end though.