My (24f) little brother (21m) has had a gf (21f) for about 4 years. They always argued and honestly didn’t seem suited for each other, but we kinda got used to it as he is quite private.

She had some sort of untreated depression from what I could tell although I wasn’t given all the details. But I would hear her crying a lot, and my brother would always be comforting her. This isn’t something he is particularly good at, but i definitely heard him try many times.

I don’t live near them but the few times we interacted she seemed nice, and I tried to be friends with her. We never really became friends but we were friendly and I even sided with her in stupid arguments against my bro or random stuff.

About three months ago, my brother told me that they broke up because they had an argument and she slapped him so hard he couldn’t see. Now my brother is 6’3 and around 220lbs of muscle, so I wasn’t really worried about him. Of course I told him that’s unacceptable and she should never do that and I asked him about the argument which was also quite stupid. I didn’t harp too much on the hitting because I knew he could stop her, but I did try to explain that it could get a lot worse. She could use weapons or throw things. Just cuz he is stronger doesn’t mean he is always safe.

Anyways they did get back together, but they broke up last month. I spent some time with him this week and it seems like she was hitting him a lot. I didn’t say much to that, but right before he left we were talking about emotional maturity and I asked him the last time he sobbed cried and he said the last time he cried was the first time his ex had hit him. That just absolutely broke my heart. I wish I had been more caring or listened to him more and not brushed it off. Like even if he was fine physically, it breaks my heart to know how alone and unloved he must have felt.

Guys, if you are having issues like this in your relationship, please know that people aren’t going to judge you and that you can definitely tell people that you need help. Do not let someone manipulate you into thinking it was your fault because they are sad and they “can’t actually hurt you”. Your feelings matter and this is abuse!

I am aromatic so I think sometimes it is hard for me to realize the emotional plain and I wish I had been more responsive to that. I feel like I failed him and I just want him to feel loved. Even if he is an asshole sometimes, he doesn’t deserve to feel like that.