I feel like each year my birthdays get worse and worse. My 16th was a two weeks before the COVID shutdown, my 17th was a failed attempt to host a party, my 18th was spent doing an orchestra concert, and we celebrated at some random restaurant. I don’t even remember if we had a cake or not when we got home.

This year is definitely a new low. At least plans were in the making or I did at least something for past years. For my 19th birthday, I’m doing literally nothing. It’s a Sunday and my roommates will be out with friends. I sometimes think moving far away from home was a mistake, because I have no friends or family to rely on. They’ll probably call me, yes, but it isn’t the same as going out and doing something with my life.

No one around me cares. If someone does they don’t show it, which is all that matters to me at least. I just want to crawl in a hole and wither away.