Idk how to process this or how to feel about it so I’m just gonna put it here cause it feels like a good place to turn to?

My mom got me a graphic novel and then despite me saying that I wouldn’t get anything during (non meal) stops places she got me a sprite. Then she got really serious about me knowing she loved me. I know that she loves me. But her actions aren’t always consistent? She says she feels bad when I can’t be included in what she cooks but she also doesn’t try and find new things I can eat and sometimes she acts like the changes that make it so I can eat with them are annoying or an inconvenience. She says she wants me to not be sick but when I try to take those steps to not be sick it’s hard for her. She says she wants me to finish highschool but won’t get me the help I need for it. Or she’ll act like me not being able to do stuff with my shoulder injury is so bad but then times like tonight she jumped at the opportunity to help me make me drain my pasta since I couldn’t lift it? I’m torn between she says she loves me and I can tell she does and she doesn’t always act like it and it feels like she’s inconvenienced by me more than not? I don’t expect y’all to have any answers but this has been in my brain all night and I needed to get it out 😅