“I ain’t done a fucking thing to you and you have to make me suffer.”

That sentence just baffled me. I am 17, and I have absolutely no good memories of my father. He has been an abusive drunk for as long as me and my siblings can remember. He has beaten us with belts when we were children, verbally threatened us and my mother, destroys things in our home and throws things at us, and has left all of us with trauma. My sister has depression and severe panic disorder, my brother has substance abuse issues and depression, and I have CPTSD and borderline personality disorder. My mother has PTSD and depression.

Every night when he gets drunk (at least 5 times a week) he goes on long, screaming rants about how everything in the world is against him. My mother is a “heartless btch”, I’m an “insane btch”, my sister is “delusional”, and my brother is an irresponsible child. No one is every good enough for him.

I have had violent panic attacks because of his screaming, I have called the police on him, left home multiple times because of his threats, he knows I self harm, and he knows me and my sister have attempted suicide. He tried to fight my brother right in front of us and wouldn’t back off until my brother went for his gun to get him to back off.

I am trapped in this house until I graduate in December. I cannot drive. I don’t have a job. I am severely disabled. My brother and sister have both moved out. The police have not helped, psychiatric services have not helped. I feel trapped. I do not know if I will survive until then. All I want is to feel less alone. Any advice is so appreciated.