Background: NMom's benefactor/boyfriend died, so she moved back in with NGma and I after me.going NC with her 3 years ago. My NGma actively avoids him and shoos him away (saying she's afraid of dogs, though we have had a dog here ever since I was young). During family parties, he is forced to stay outside because the rest of my family is afraid of him. He is basically actively avoided by everyone but me and although I hate it, there just wasn't anything I could do. He's well behaved. He's happy to just lay on the floor next to the couch while they're watching TV. He doesn't jump, counter surf or otherwise eat food left unattended or not specifically given to him, and he's just an overall good boy.

Anyways, lately, she has been trying to get him to hang out with her. For example, today, she was going to wash her and NGma's cars out front. He has no problems with invisible boundaries, so I have no fear that he would bolt or otherwise leave the yard. She kept trying to get him to go with her. I had to move my car so I had him lay in the grass. Multiple times, she tried to get him to come hang out with her while she was coming in and out of the house. I told him that he could go. I try to remain neutral with these things. I don't care how people treat me so long as they treat my dog well and so, I have done the same during these situations. I don't discourage him from going. I don't encourage him either. I simply let him choose.

My dog is, of course, primarily attached to me. But, he has become attached to one other person (the person who would take him if necessary). This is a relationship that I encourage fully. He has a happy, loving disposition. I sometimes let him play therapy dog at the homeless/at risk outreach/food bank/thrift store when DV cases come in or hardened homeless people who accept some love. Basically, what I am saying here is that this dog loves everyone and loves lovings. So, when he chooses not to hang out with my NMom despite her trying so hard to get him to, I respect his choices. I don't want to be around her and apparently, he doesn't either.

When I told my support person who knows some of the shit NMom has done and said to me, she told me that I should be encouraging him spending time with her. She said that my "NMom is trying", so I should encourage it. I felt a bit offended by that. Why should I encourage him to go with someone he doesn't want to go with? Is telling him that it's okay to go with her not enough encouragement? She doesn't speak to me other than to ask me to move my car. I barely see her and I'm quite happy with it staying that way. Am I not encouraging it because I already grew up watching her treat my half siblings (the golden children) better than me and so I don't want to see that happen with my dog? I don't think it's that. I was happy to see she spent time with him the other day when I had to leave for a few hours without him. As I said before, as long as they treat him well, it doesn't matter how they treat me.

So, what do you think, RBN? Should I encourage this more? Should I force it? Am I not doing enough as it is?