Long time lurker, first time poster.

Today I was diagnosed with asthma, in my 30's. The doctor said it's fairly uncommon to be diagnosed so far into adulthood [vs being diagnosed as a child] and asked about my history with issues breathing as I was growing up.

My nmom [been NC for 15 years now] used to tell this story to anyone that would listen whenever I would have issues being around people that would smoke/ask people to smoke outside: When I was little, maybe 4-5, she had a bunch of friends over and they were all smoking inside the house [90's so, not uncommon] I came up to her and asked her to please stop smoking because 'it makes my breathing hurt' and how I made her 'look bad' and how 'it made my friends think I was a terrible mother!' [...]

While she did stop smoking, she'd also tell people that I was always faking it to continue to make her look bad as I got older, or make her feel guilty. Whenever I'd remove myself from around people she brought over that smoked, even if they were outside, or would ask her to not use incense, not bathe herself in perfume in the house, etc - she'd tell me I was overreacting and making it up.

Despite that there were multiple times where I was wheezing from being unable to breathe - it was always a way to make her look bad.

After I went NC and moved far away, I went out of my way to stay away from my breathing triggers and I didn't think of it much. But the last few years I've had increasing issues with allergies, and went in expecting to just be told what my allergies were, not expecting to also be told they wanted to test my breathing ability/take imaging because listening to my lungs sounded wheezy and be given that diagnosis.

It made me realize that I've probably had an un-diagnosed, occasionally dangerous disease for most of my life, that my narc mom [and many of my narc step-dads] refused to take seriously or take me to a doctor about all because they were trying to save face.

I'm so glad I got away when I did. It's been 15 years but i'm still finding out the different ways her claws are still inside of me.