They can be considerate at times but they are definitely abusive and gaslight me etc often. There are frequent periods of days/weeks/even months where they're mostly fine but they do stuff that ticks me off (i.e. abuse). It's very conflicting, bc I often feel confused whether I should be feeling hatred or love for them. Outside of one of my siblings, no one even acknowledges the abuse. It messes with my head. I'm dependent on my parents for a few years at least so I can't go NC (once I move out, I probably won't, they're fine from a distance, they like micromanaging my life and I hate that).

My Nparents used to physically abuse my a lot during my childhood (mostly in my pre-teens to early teens, but sometimes in early childhood as well) but they don't do that anymore. They remain to be emotionally abusive. I've started fighting for the things I want/setting boundaries/pointing out the reasons why they do what they do (eg: dad taking out his anger on me) and that's made progress.

What should you be doing with a family that can be wholesome but can also easily be abusive? It feels like, when I'm up and doing well they don't bother me much, but when I'm hurting and down they make things hard for me.