I really don't know if my mom is a narc or am I the wrong like she constantly tells me. I'm sorta numb to gaslighting or whatever this is. I can't afford therapy and I told my mom she should look into therapy before, but she just brings up how she can't afford it because she's a single mom. Which is something I think she brings up to gain power over me since I'm 22 , currently in college but failing due to my severe depression and anxiety ( and probably BPD). So, it's very hard for me to hold down a job . My mom always says she does a lot for me ( which she does), and that I'm disrespectful and ungrateful when I'm just telling her how I honestly feel ( but with my mom I'm learning I will always have to not be honest around her which suck for my mental health).

So, what happened today.

I woke up super late , as per usual with me , around 12pm. I took my shower , feed the pets and got dressed and decided that I was going to clean my car and get an oil change. My car really needed cleaning since it was a year ago since my last one. The reason being, I left my mom's house because I couldn't handle the arguments between us . My boyfriend's mom is super homophobic , so I had to sleep outside of my boyfriend's house in my crammed 2009 Nissan Altima for little over a month, so my car was a mess. Before I was about to leave to get the car washed, my mom called and said she could take me since it was a birthday gift she promised me last month , so I said OK ( I didn't think anything of it besides I wish my mom didn't have to talk over every word I said ). The first thing my mom said as walked out and saw my car was to laugh and said it looked like a drug dealers car and how nasty and disgusting the car is , which I agreed to and started to sound annoyed and snappy, it was already 3pm and I haven't eaten anything , and just wanted to leave. So , she said " what's with the attitude ?" I said " nothing" and got in the car. So , my mom speed off and I wasn't able to catch up , so I pulled my car in the driveway, and was trying to put the address in my GPS and my mom keep on spam calling me, so I answered and said I was trying to get the address and she said " no, just follow me I'm already going ". and I said " I'm just trying to get the address on my GPS , I rather just go alone ". Then she got super mad at me and said " I'm ungrateful for this gift and I don't do anything with her anymore" at this point she started raising her voice and I couldn't handle it so I hung up the call. Then she called me back , I picked up and she keep on yelling and screaming about how I am not the child I was and I upset mom ( sometimes she speaks in third person idk why my family is weird) . I tried to explain that I hung up because of the yelling, and I tried to calmly say that I wasn't trying to make her upset , I just wanted to go alone and be by myself today. She just sighed and sounded annoyed but let me go alone, I mean it less money for her to pay , since she poor because she's a single mom to the point she will go to a nice restaurant or hotel with her toxic bf , but we can't afford AC. I don't know, truly I feel bad for my mom. I only have her and she only has me . I can't do anything , but be numb and try my best to ignore it. I know I should spend more time with my mom, maybe I should have let her take me and pay for the oil change and car wash but I just needed my space.