I have flip flopped on getting married so much that my fiance is now unsure about getting married. My nmom has made it all about what SHE wants for my wedding every time it has been discussed. ( I went full NC a couple of months ago and it's been.... A whole roller coaster.)

I do want to get married, but I keep worrying about losing my absolute shit and being a puddle of tears and misery in a dress due to the fact that my parents are a package deal. NMom is gone? Say bye to dad too. And I never thought I would have to think about getting married without my dad walking me down the aisle.

Fiance and I have been engaged for five years. I still can't picture it without my dad. I'm a giant baby and go into a severe depression when I think about it. So we haven't discussed it and I feel like a giant narcissistic asshole for not being able to discuss this with him (fiance) without being an emotional basket case.

/Venting because I dont really know who to talk to besides you guys