My Birthday is on Sunday (21 Feb) and I have really been feeling the depression and anxiety as I get closer to the day.
I've recently been better able to reflect on the past and understand what certain things have caused me to feel certain ways recently.
My Birthday was never a big celebration or one filled with love and care. In fact my birthday was forgotten on several occasions because apparently they forgot I was born on the 21st and thought it was the 23rd. I remember on my 13th birthday standing in the living room waiting for someone to wish me a happy birthday and nothing. When I was asked what was wrong, I said well it's my birthday and then there was a half assed attempt to give me a present and such.
But of course everyone else's birthday, especially nMum and nSis was a big deal. Never forgot their birthdays.
Since then I always feel my birthday is awkward. I used to think it's because I just wanted to be spoiled for my birthday, and then recently I realised I actually just want people to genuinely care and celebrate my birthday. I want to feel loved and celebrated, not feel like an obligation and nuisance. All I wanted for my birthday was to be loved, cared about and celebrated. That was too much apparently.