It really smacked me in the face today, that I'm still allowing them to treat me the way they do, letting their opinions of me live in my head rent free, and NINE YEARS AGO I was complaining about it.

It popped up in my Facebook memories. Reading it made my head spin; has it really been so long, have I really been letting them walk all over me and disparage me for this long?

I feel so beaten. So much like they've taken everything good and sucked it out of me, out of my life. And I'm so caring, I give so much of me... I have no idea how to extricate myself, to harden my heart against them, when I do genuinely love them so much, and want a relationship with them. Just...not this one.