I've always struggled to relate to the 'ugh, adulting sucks' mentality of many of my friends. Like, I get it- they miss a time without bills to pay and adult responsibilities- but I never look back on my childhood/adolescence with any kind of nostalgia. I wake up every day so incredibly glad that it's over.

The emotional abuse my mother inflicted on me is crushing sometimes, really. I just cannot understand what drove her to hate me so much. All the things that stand out. Humiliating me for no reason. Telling me she should have murdered me as an infant. Depriving me of food and clothing. Telling me she hoped I'd get raped while sleeping on the streets after she cast me out. Honestly, I could almost forgive those things if it wasn't for the thread that ties them all together- her refusal to love me. As a kid I was so thoroughly convinced that I was unlovable that I began contemplating my suicide at the age of 9. There were multiple times I very nearly carried it out. Living with that woman was hell on earth. She broke me completely. She made me feel like I was less than worthless. Every day was a brand new bouquet of little horrors. Every day I suffered a little differently than the one before it.

Nowadays my life is pretty boring and uneventful. And oh how I treasure it. The simple joy it is to love and be loved so securely by the people in my life. It still astonishes me that this is all real. I love waking up to my boring, bill-paying, adult-responsibility-having life and realizing that the worst is over and I can finally breathe. That she can't hurt me any more, at least, not in the way that she used to, because I am no longer defined by her.

I don't think I have ever once missed my childhood or adolescence. It was a nightmare I am glad to be out of. Adulthood has been the best part of my life by far. For those of you still suffering in your parents care... please hang on. Life gets so much better. Take care of yourself and focus on getting out as soon as possible. Life is full of amazing and beautiful possibilities once you're out of their shadow. Don't give up hope.