When i was young ( i think three or four years old), i wanted to be a nurse. I dont remember this dream. All i remember is wanting to be a doctor since i was little. I found out after i was accepted into college (a medical school my dad sent me to across the world), that when i first expressed this dream, my father's family quickly shut this down. 'Nurses arent worth much. Why would you want to be someone who doesnt even do anything? Doctors earn more respect.' Etc etc... at the time i guess i went with it cuz a four year old doesnt really see the difference. I look back on that fact, this new information so helpfully provided by my aunt, and i can only cry internally.

My mom is a nurse.

I idolized her, i wanted to be like my mom and my father and his family couldnt stand that idea. My father shoehorned his dream of having a doctor in the family, and though i love my job, love helping people and the work i do on a daily basis, i cant help but feel anger and sadness at how petty my family was, how much my four year old selfs dreams werent important, and were only an indicator that i was too much like my mother. My life is full of instances like this. Small and insignificant in the moment but constantly building to the idea that any similarity to my mother was wrong and needed correcting.

I have so many stories like this, but now i can only accept what has happened and try to shape my life the way i want. But ive never stopped loving my mom, and no matter how hard they try, i never will stop.