Hi all, I hope everyone is doing well. I was RBN and I've recently gone extremely low/essentially no contact with my parents.

One of the things I struggle with forever is just the fact that I really wanted parents who could... Well, actually be kind and loving parents. I still feel guilt about what a good daughter "should" do.

I feel like recently, I'm trying to process what it truly means to not have parents in my life. I mean they're definitely bad parents but now it's like... No parents... Which is good in some ways, but in other ways it's just really painful and depressing, especially around the holidays and big life events you would want to share with people close to you (read: family). It sounds horrible, but if they died, then there would just be nothing we can do to rectify the situation, I would just have to move on with my life knowing that's what it is/was. It's almost worse knowing they are alive and prefer to continue along in their abusive and toxic ways than even consider trying some healthy alternatives and working to fix our relationship without blaming me for everything. It's probably true and not true to some degree, but it feels like every day they wake up and actively decide to be toxic and not try to stop the cycle.

Are there any resources or suggestions that people can proffer for overcoming the guilt of "what a good daughter should do"? How do people sit with knowing your parents would rather continue toxic behaviors because it's easier/emotionally satisfying for them, than work towards a healthy relationship with you?