Hey, everyone. So, I've replied to one or two things on here, but still a new user. First post and all that. You know, the usual disclaimers. Also, I'm gonna keep this kinda vague because I know at least one person I know goes on here. This is mostly a vent, but if you have any advice or words to help or give me strength, I'd appreciate it. But, let's get down to it.

One of my parents died while I was still in diapers, so I'm not sure what that parent was like. But the one I grew up with, I didn't realize until I found this thread that they fit the N bill. And it's messed me up. I was neither the golden child, nor the scrapegoat. I was more ignored. I was the youngest, and sib (sib 4) was both. Growing up, it was just the three of us. Me, Nparent, and sib 4. I strived to be the prefect child, but my sis was the spitting image of Nparent, and, of course, was the favorite. But, sib 4 was also the trouble maker. Nparent doted and screamed at them by turns, and I just watched and learned. In a way I suppose I was lucky not to be either GC or SG, but being ignored isn't exactly healthy. I desperately wanted attention and affection.

Well, Nparent died while I was still in junior high. That left me officially an orphan. I moved in with my oldest sib (sib 1), but they weren't around when I was growing up. I realize now they went LC/NC (I'm not sure the extent) because of Nparent's N tendencies. (I think sib 1 just looked at it as "Getting away from crazy parent", they aren't exactly aware of N and the way it effects people. I also realized recently sib 1 is an N as well. I guess it runs in the family.) Living with sib 1 really didn't work out, so they sent me to live with sib 3. Sib 3 tried to take care of me, and has been there for me more than anyone else in the fam, but is very enabler, especially to their SO, who is also an N. (I was definitely a SC to the NSO.)

In the end, Sib 3 picked NSO over me and kicked me out before I graduated. I went on to have a string of odd jobs, mostly retail. I've been LC with all my sibs. I realize now Sib 1 is ALSO a narcissist. Lately, they have been cornering me into attending more events and seeing them more and more often, and doing it in ways I felt unable to say no. I developed a plan to move away, and I told Esib 3 because I still love them (they are realizing how bad their NSO is, and forcing them to get help and confronting them about their behavior and tendencies.) Esib really encouraged me to tell Nsib 1, and get their advice, since that is the only one I still talk to that has moved out of state. (Sib 4, who is also an N, and is married to an N, has moved out of state, but I talk to them about 3 times a year. My birthday, their birthday, and holidays. I don't trust their advice on anything.)

I listened to Esib 3, mistake, I know, and told Sib 1. Sib 1, in true N fashion, began going on about how his would ruin my life, and trying to force me to agree to their plan for my life, manipulating me to the point of having panic attacks every time I thought about moving. I didn't really agree or disagree to their face, just agreed I would look into their plan, and for the sake of show, did while I was with them. (any thoughts I had on it, by the way, wen't right unless I was the same as they had. Never mind my actual goals an plans. They know what's right, They know what i need to do, They have the right answer, the only answer. My compromise wasn't nearly good enough.) Luckily, a friend of mine was able to talk me down and back into my original plan. Especially once I calmed down enough to realize THIS IS EXACTLY the behavior I'm trying to move away from.

I'm done. I will probably go borderline NC, only calling for birthdays and holidays once I move, because I can't handle the stress they put on me. I love my fam, but I really think I'll be happier loving them from another state, from several states away in fact.

I also have a friend who lives in the area I'm moving to and a job lined up there. I'm gonna be just fine, I think. Anyway, thanks for reading this, I know it's a lot. I hope it's all clear and makes sense.