I wrote here a while ago about trying therapy with my Nmom and Edad after almost 7y of NC. It's my personal view that I should at least try to see if anything could be built. Mainly for me.

I've had two seperate sessions with the therapist, and they had two sessions with the two of them as well. In a few days, our first session together is planned. I'm very nervous, as the therapist told me we won't be talking about the abuse in the first session. Reason being that the parental units deny any (physical) abuse ever happened, so speaking of it would quickly derail the conversation. And I understand that, so I said I'd do it even though I don't like it one bit.

Now, I've been getting acid reflux from stress. I have a job that requires me to be quite flexible, my own non-profit and I volunteer on the side. I'm trying to apply for a job with better pay and better hours, and I'm supposed to move by the end of may but I haven't found a place yet. Safe to say that I'm quite stressed most of the time. I usually know how to manage, helped by my support network.

With this extra stressor in place though, I've not been sleeping well. I've been getting acid reflux that gets triggered by the therapy appointments and my mind gets frazzled way more often. My body is basically telling me to quit.

This therapy is a now-or-never kind of thing though. I don't want to give up only to regret it later. So I'll be doing this first session regardless of how anything goes. But after that... how do I know when enough has been enough. I know I'm supposed to know/feel this myself, but I've been known to go way past my boundaries. And I know I'm doing it now as well, but again, I want to at least try, give it my all. I need to know what signs I need to look for in the therapy to know whether I should just give up or not.