When I had my baby I let my mom know I would never welcome my Nsister into our lives until we could talk about expectations for behavior. My sister is so sweet when she wants to be and a crazed psycho if you ask too many questions or tell her no. She’s 14 years older than me and moved in with us when I was 11 and introduced me to physical Violence and domestic violence and I’ve always been terrified of her and just tried to stay out of her way. My mom caters to her and basically does anything she wants. My mom knows that when I tried talking to my sister About behavior and expectations she screamed at me and hung up on me and called everyone telling them I said things I didn’t, like basically just acted a fool. I haven’t talked to her since- only contact was her commenting on a photo of my baby saying she couldnt wait to hold her (hasn’t happened).

This week I had a conversation with my mom about how she’s been totally absent in my kids life and that I wouldn’t welcome any holiday plans with her- that my child deserved consistency and to be known as a person beyond just receiving gifts. My mom ignores most of my messages and wanted to talk in person (because it’s easier to get people to comply in person) and said she would see me at my brothers nieces recital today. Well, I got too much anxiety about it and didn’t go and thank god because she brought my sister! She didn’t warn me even knowing I said I would not accept or welcome that. I have so much anxiety about it even though I didn’t go. Like my heart is totally broken how could she just do that? I’ve been feeling like my mom wasn’t someone I could have in our life because of her behaviors but now I feel more convinced about it. I feel like I can’t trust her and she plain doesn’t respect me or my boundaries. Should I even tell her? I think I’m just going to block her and try to move on but I know it will have a rippling effect in my family. I expect to be mostly isolated from everyone.