Advance "this got really long again" warning.

It happened again. She hadn't done it in such a long time that I thought she'd finally stopped, but no. She did it again yesterday evening.

Context: I have storage spaces in the walls of my bedroom that connect to the other room upstairs, which is just outside of my room. It's the "guest room"/room-where-no-one-goes-or-lives. When we have family with kids over, they will sometimes play in these storage spaces and try to crawl into my room. In my actual bedroom, there is one small "storage space" that does not go anywhere. It has a tiny window that looks onto the street below and so I thought I'd put a little throw rug, a butt-ton of pillows, and some blankets in there to make it a little reading alcove. I never usually actually go into it to read, but it is there. My mom has taken to calling this the "hobbit hole," a name that I very much dislike.

The Actually Really Important Nugget of the Context: When we have family over that has children, and these children have never seen the "hobbit hole" before, she will come to my door and make me show the alcove to people. Over this weekend, we have a bit of extended family staying over to visit. I don't know or care what the occasion is, but they're here. Turns out this cousin of mine has a son.

I remember she once opened my door, with her friend already in tow behind her, and asked me to show it to them. I knew immediately that I couldn't say no because they were already there, so if I had said something like "no, it's my room, please leave" she would have tried to make me look like the bad guy. So I complied. It wasn't the first time she'd pulled that on me. Another time, she asked me to show it to someone while I was downstairs. I tried to say no, but her response was "fine, then I'll just do it myself," so I had to backtrack and go "no, fine, I'll do it."

What Happened: Not long after my boyfriend arrived (we were going to have dinner with a friend later), she knocks on my door while I'm playing a game. I had Boyfriend answer the door, and there I see her, standing with a child. Immediately I'm like oh here we fucking go in my head. "Cousin's Son would like to see the hobbit hole," she says in a perfectly polite tone.

I ask her if it can't wait until later because I was a bit busy. I'd meant the game I was playing, but I was also, you know, with my boyfriend and all. We weren't having sex or anything, we can't really do that when we don't have the house to ourselves (damn my creaky loud bed), but we very well could have been doing something quietly and wished to be undisturbed. (Although if that were the case we would have locked my door, which we should have done anyway even without doing anything sexual together.) Still, I really would like to remain undisturbed when I'm with my boyfriend.

Her response? "No, it can't wait," her tone getting a bit less nice. She then tried to ask my boyfriend to show the kid the alcove, which I was not going to allow because she has no business trying to make him do something just because she can't force me to do it. I don't want her trying to involve him in her bullshit. I hate it when she tries to rope me into her nonsense, but I will not allow her to push it on him if I try to say no. He has no involvement in this. So I get up and say "no, I'll do it, since this is my room and all," making sure to look at her when I say "my room."

She goes "well, Dovah, if you're going to be that way..." in the tone that clearly indicates she's starting to get annoyed with me, and is clearly trying to start gearing up to make me the bad guy. I show the kid the alcove, and when they leave, I lock my fucking door.

This whole thing that she pulls on me drives me up the wall. It isn't because children want to see it. I don't blame them, they're kids. It's more the principle of the thing, where she has to ask me to show it to kids every time we have any over, but either does it in such a way that I can't say no because I'll look like the asshole (like if she already has them with her), or just straight-up forces me to do it. And I kind of hate being forced to do something I don't want to just to make someone else happy. I hate being forced to show my room to people just because it's "cool" or whatever that I have an alcove, when I would really rather be left the hell alone. I'm sorry, but this is my fucking bedroom where I live and sleep, not some cool room for you to show off to anyone that comes over. Fuck off and get out.

By her barging in and making me show my room off, I feel like it's the same as saying "I don't care that you want to be left alone in your own privacy, you are going to show off that alcove and make me look good anyway. And if you refuse to comply, I will treat you like some sort of horrible person. You do not have a choice in this matter."

I even have a Bonus Story (that's probably too short for its own post): she once let a child into my room while I wasn't even in the house, which really pissed me off to begin with, but then had the audacity to try to make me out to be bad over it. This was one of the times Aunt and Cousin (the same ones from The Storytime Incident) came to visit us. The night of their arrival, I had been out until midnight with Boyfriend and some friends.

Upon getting into my room, I found some small (but very obvious) pieces of evidence that someone had been in my room while I wasn't there, which instantly pissed me off. Nothing important had been harmed or disturbed, which was fine, but I was irritated that she had let someone into my private, personal bedroom while I hadn't been in the house.

So I go downstairs and there she and Aunt are sitting. I look at her and ask who was in my room. "Cousin," she answered, and just as I was gearing up to tell her that I didn't appreciate how she let my younger cousin into my room while I wasn't home, let alone without even asking my permission or letting me know, she goes "what's wrong with you?"

Oh, excuse me? What's wrong with me? You want to make me the bad guy for being angry that you let someone into my personal space while I wasn't home without even asking my permission? At that I just deflected and said "nothing, I was just curious" even though I really fucking wanted to unleash my thoughts on her and let her have it for trying to make me look like an asshole over being concerned about someone being in my room.

Granted, Cousin knew better and left all my actual stuff alone. I wasn't bothered by that, although I wouldn't have been pleased if she'd messed with anything. But she knew not to and respected all my important belongings. What bothered me was that my mom let someone into my room while I wasn't home, and then tried to act like I was the bad guy when I expressed displeasure over it.

On one hand I worry that feeling this way makes me a selfish, entitled brat that's acting like some territorial teenager over her bedroom, but on the other hand excusez-fucking-moi if I don't want people being given free access to my room while I'm not there or without my permission. Excuse me for being concerned that kids who may not know any better yet might run their grubby hands all over (or even accidentally damage) my stuff, and it might end up being stuff that's important to me. Excuse me for not wanting to feel like my privacy's been violated and my feelings don't matter in comparison to some little kid's. Excuse me for despising the feeling of being forced to open my room, my space, to people whether I like it not just to make them happy for five seconds and make her look good.