For me, it took a lot of growing up, a bunch of therapy, and countless trips to the psych ward. One day, it just clicked. I'm autonomous. I'm not a narcissist if I want to better myself and take care of myself. I'm not crazy because I'm on antidepressants because my brain NEEDS them. I'm not selfish for any of my suicide attempts, because I was in a dark place that I plan on never going back to. When NMom tries to gaslight me, when she screams at me and tries to physically harm me, I remain calm, don't scream back, which REALLY pisses her off because she's looking for a fight. Sometimes she's even like "Stop yelling at me!" when I didn't even raise my voice. Narcs are completely irrational, but I have finally gained the ability to ignore and recognize their irrationality and remain calm. A huge success after 31 years of abuse. I am extraordinary.