So before I start this I will have to say it is very long. Sorry guys. I just really need advice and I have no one else to turn to but ya'll.

One thing that might help I guess is I have a mother, two older brothers, and I am the youngest daughter. I am a 17 year old senior in high school.

My mother is a single parent so ever since I was born my mother worked ( and still does) crazy hours. So in order to keep an eye on her kids, she hired a babysitter. The baby sitter never did anything and refused to let me go to friends houses or them come over. As a result I was always stuck in the house doing nothing beside hang out with my brothers, or end up playing by myself and ending up talking to myself. I ended up being really secluded and socially and emotionally awkward. When ever my mother would be home she would yell and scream at my brothers for anything and always stick me in the middle of the fights. There was no happy dinners or game nights, it was always fight, sleep, school fight, sleep. I always tried my best to stay out of the fights so most of the time I just wouldn't say anything. By the time I hit middle school I was a wreak. I couldn't handle being picked on and sad all the time. I had only one friend at school but no one to really confide in so I began self harming. In retrospect I shouldn't have done it, but oh well. Anyways so around 7th grade, my grandmother ended up dying and my eldest brother ended up on drugs. In the span of 7th and 8th grade, my middle brother left to live with my uncle, my mom bought the oldest a car, sent him through school on 2 occasions, the oldest stole $1000 from both my mother and I, and we kicked him out twice. I my mother would cry to me every night and go on and on until I would comfort her, but when I would try to talk to her she would divert the subject and tell me to do something else. I gave up talking to her then for quite a long time. Around 9th grade, the baby sitter got fired and my middle brother moved back for half of his junior and his full senior year. The eldest was still on drugs but was homeless around this time after we kicked him out once again. During that year, I joined 3 clubs to try to make friends, my older brother broke in our house while my friend and I was sleeping, he stole my guitar, and I started playing music. My 10th grade year, my oldest brother was put through college again by my mother, my middle brother barely passed high school ( just like the other ) and my mother found out I was self harming. Before I was going to play at the graduation, my mother saw my scars while she walked in on me in the restroom. I explained that I was isolated and I didn't know how to deal with the stress and sadness I was handed and that was the only thing that helped me. Her response was to not talk to me for 3 days and never has she talked about it to me again. Also in 10th grade I met my best friend let's call him C. 11th grade year, C and I began to date causing my mother to become jealous of him. I had bfs before but C was a lot closer to me than the others, and after my mom being my main friend so far in my high school years, she got angry. She couldn't handle the thought of me even dating him. He's not a bad guy either. Anyways but now it's 12th grade year. I am an honors student, I have colleges looking at me, and I have an amazing opportunity to study in California because of C, but my mother is holding me back. She claims I am a disappointment and I won't succeed. She won't help me move to the college I want to go to and she claims I am as bad as my brothers. I don't understand. I talk to her all the time but she refuses to talk to me. It's been boiling for the past couple months. She just came into my room from her 16 hour shift to yell at me of how I'm a disappointment and how I shouldn't be upset at her for waking me up. She took the flash light and said "I should beat you in the head with this right now." Now after all that she is talking everything away from me including my computer which I need for an online dual enrollment for college that I am starting on Tuesday. It's super important to my future in college. Thats a credit I won't have to pay for. I don't know what I have done for her to be so angry at me. I haven't hit her, threatened her, or even stole anything from her. My brothers have but her reasoning is that they are boys. I don't understand anymore. She is just so angry at me and I feel as if I am a slave to her. I have to say yes ma'am no matter the context and she claims that that is all I should have to say to her. She says I am her friend but when I try to talk to her she says she isn't my friend that she's my mother. She's so wishy washy and I can't take it anymore. I am so depressed just like I was in middle school. C tries to help but it isn't enough. He can't do much. I just need help. Is there any advice ya'll can give me? I'm afraid that if this explodes it isn't going to be nice and I am terrified. My mother scares me to death and I hate it.