So when my mother passed away, my dad's side of the family popped up after several years of almost no contact, apparently due to my mother isolating us after my father died 20 years ago, and they offered to keep an eye on my autistic brother. I'm very glad they're doing that (as he's in a group home and they see him regularly).They were also very kind to have a birthday dinner for me when I was up there for a week. It was very sweet of them.

I really want to have a family and connect with them, but I'm too scared to pursue anything. I'm not ready for it and I don't feel safe enough. Which is ridiculous, since they despise Nbro. But I just don't know how to feel and I'm very confused on how to pursue this properly. I don't want to dump my issues on them, but I guess they want me to be warm and communicative towards them. I"ve never had warm, fuzzy feelings towards family, so I don't know how to feel that way without being overly fake and living a lie.

It really sucks. I don't want to push more people away. I've done too much of that in my life already. I want it to stop, but I don't know what to do.