Ok, before I start I need to explain that most of you are probably going to deliberately misunderstand me. I don't say this lightly because you've might have immediately misunderstood that first sentence and started talking to each other about your pre-emptive counter argument before I even get a chance to explain why I'm upset.

This is how it is, the very act of me being upset, is reason to be punished. It's Christmas time and my mother is batshit crazy who does a really good job of talking on the phone to be "with it" but can't even recognize her own fucking son, me. My sister is in town from Canada with her daughter from her second marriage and her son from her first marriage chills at this house while going to highschool and being coddled into being the new "Golden Child" by his grandmother, my crazy mom. Literally everything I do is interpretted as a passive aggressive attempt to upset someone. Change the background on the house desktop computer? He's angry at you and being a child. Doesn't even matter wtf I put on the background, I'm trying to share things with the family and I'm labelled a threat for even trying. The need to be understood is being beating me up from being misunderstood, by my entire family.

So my sister is in town from Canada and last time she was in town I went through an emotional breakdown, and then got heavily fucked with when she left and I decided to actually try and go dry to the point that getting sober was heavily punished because of "fate" or "bad luck".

Ok, my nephew thinks I'm gay, and he thinks I'm a creep. Like, literally he thinks I'm bad at fuck or something and hates me. I mean, I try to be a good uncle but he's the new "golden child", so he naturally is going to not understand why i'm not getting what I need to understand the situations at all.

Like, ok, here's an example of how fucked up my mother is. This happened like a year ago. I dropped out of college and moved back into the house into the basement. My mother was being incredibly emotionally abusive and all the subtle ways to the point that I started lashing out at her and acting out. She calls up my brother, acts the victim, gets him riled up to come back into town and beat me up for being "abusive" to his mom, and on the fucking car ride back into town, fucking tells him that he should get a movie at a redbox so we can sit down and watch movies together as a family.

I'm not joking, is her situation awareness really that naive? Fucking no. She fucking crazy and there something straight broken in her head. It's like she's a fucking professional and breaking and fucking shit up and being really "in touch" on the phone, but she can't make a realistic situation in her head about what healthy emotional behavior entails. She very good and dominating you and controlling you while "fitting in" and telling you it's your fault.

ok, here's another thing. I drink too often, mostly at night, and mostly under controlled circumstances. She is fucking pissed off at me for drinking, always blames everything on the drinking. Like, I got a DWI because she was getting angry at me drinking in the house, but she didn't give two fucking shits if I did it out in the town, as long as I didn't bother her. Like, what type of fucking parenting is that? Emotionally abusing your son into alcoholism and creating a situation where he can easily become a detriment to society because of it? Oh, but it's my fucking fault isn't it. Isn't it always. And no, you play the victim. You take ever single fucking emotion that I need to express, and say it's you. You steal the attention I need. I have incredible difficulty finding healthy relationships because you suck.

So here's my problem. My mother is going around telling people that I am crazy. I drink my sorrows away when I have nothing to do, and I've always been sober when I'm at work. I can't find a good job, I need a good job where I make decent money and I get treated well with understanding, but I get consistently misplaced.

So my big sister shows up from Canada and I immediately get stopped being called into work, and my efforts to talk to her, just, I got labelled as gaslight them. I couldn't even, so I isolated myself in the basement as usually because my efforts at socializing with my family are met with abuse.

Oh yeah, I have this friend who's a total tool and blindly agrees with my mother out of "honor thy mother and father attitude". I mean, either he's also insane or he just doesn't understand. I don't know if it's deliberate but I just can't hang out with him anymore.

I had to get up from this a few times so I don't even know where I'm going with this anymore. I'm just trying to find a decent place to fit into this world, find a decent job, and emotionally healthy relationships, and on that I've been failing. I've been failing really hard.

Oh, also my mother had a therapist. I met with them one time and the therapist said my father was a narcissist. I don't know if he was, he died when I was 12 so I'm not gonna judge.

Oh, and check this out, I'm not gonna use really names here, but say my mother's father's name was Lawn, and my mother was named Lawna (the feminine of Lawn), and my mother also named her daughter Lawna. So straight up my sister and my mother have the same name as my grandfather. So my sister renamed herself after a bird, something in the Corvus genus http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corvus_(genus).