You guys were awesome with helping me deal with my mom last time I posted. I hope you can help me again. This is pretty long.

So my son is turning 5 next month! I'm excited, he's excited, the rest of the family is excited. You get the picture. My parents and sister live one state over and have decided to come stay for a long weekend and attend my son's party.

Here's the story. My mom has started with the text messages again. I'm beginning to notice a pattern with her. A month or two before we're actually scheduled to meet up (which is usually only once or twice a year) she starts trying to argue with me through text messages and Facebook. Any other time she's civil. I haven't figured out why she does this.

Last night I was Face-timing with my parents which is something I do about once every two weeks. I've managed to set a boundary with her where I don't do one on one facetime with her anymore. If she wants to talk either my dad or my husband have to be home. Until last night I haven't had a problem doing it this way.

So last night she was asking me about my son's party and if I could use some plastic serving bowls she has. She gets up to go get them. I chat with my dad for a minute. She comes back with them and asks me if I want her to bring them.

They're nice bowls and I tell her If she want's to bring them she can. I haven't decided on everything that i'm going to serve yet so I may or may not use them. Then, this is what set her off, I tell her that if she does bring them I'd like her to take them back home with her.

Let me take a break from the story for a second to say that last time she came to visit, she packed her car full of crap to bring to my new house. Boxes of things like old sewing material that smelled like mothballs, a barbie shoe, broken crayons, and old McDonald toys. There were a few other things too. She's a borderline hoarder. My parents house looks nice, except for the back room, that use to be my room when I lived there. It is stacked floor to ceiling with so much stuff that you can't even open the door all the way. I did my best to take everything I could across state with me. Not everything would fit in the moving van. I told her everything I left I didn't want and she was free to throw away.

After I tell her she can bring them if she takes them back with her, she walks away from the Ipad where I can't see her, but can still here her. And she knows I can her her. I can see my dad and he's making that face like, "here we go again". I love my dad, he's an awesome guy, but he's also an enabler. He's not as bad as most though. If my mom gets too crazy he will put her in her place, but for the most part he tries to keep the peace. I understand where he's coming from. He has to live with her so he tries not to engage. I once lived there too so I understand.

I can here her off to the side saying, "I'm just trying to do something nice by bringing some nice bowls for her to use but she won't take them!" My dad's just sitting there, looking straight forward at me, rocking his head back and forth, pressing his lips together. I say, "really? You really want to start a fight over plastic bowls?" After a minute she comes and sits back down like nothing happened.

This morning she sends me a text. This is word for word what she wrote:

Nmom: Good Morning! Hope y'all have a great day! Gotta get outside with yard work this morn before the heat kicks in. Didn't mean to upset you about those serving bowls. Love you

Me: It's a good day so far. And I just want to make it clear that i'm not upset about the bowls. I understand you're trying to help out with the party and I appreciate that. What I don't like is you getting mad and trying to guilt trip me into keeping something I don't want. Last time you guys came to visit you brought a buncha crap I didn't want that ended up getting thrown away. (I threw it all away within the hour of her bringing it through my front door) I told you before that everything I wanted I took with me when I moved. I tried my best to clean everything out when I moved. If there's anything left of mine that you don't want you can throw it away. I don't want or need it.

If you want to bring the bowls to use for the party that would be great. We may or may not use them, we'll see. I haven't figured out the menu yet. But if you do bring them I want you to take them back home with you.

Nmom: I'll always be there for you. Love to all

Nmom: Let us know about his doctor visit please! (she's referring to my son who has a dr. appointment tomorrow)

Nmom: Didn't feel right about throwing away your things. It wasn't my place that's the only reason I brought you your things. If you wanted to toss it that's fine. There is nothing else to bring you TomNooksBitch, so u need to get over it. Sorry if that upsets u but that's how it was

Me: I'm glad there's nothing else . Like I said, I took everything I wanted when I left. And that doesn't upset me. I want to make it clear to you that what I don't like is you trying to guilt trip me into taking things I don't want. Like you did last night with those plastic containers. When I said I didn't want it you should have said "OK" and dropped it. Not walk off and start talking, trying to make it sound like i'm a bad person because I didn't want something you tried to give away. Like I said, they are nice and If you want to bring them I may use them, but I don't want y'all to leave anything here.

Nmom: The reason I walked away was because of the way you spoke to me. Don't like being talked down to just like the next person. I wouldn't speak to my friends that way! (The last line is funny to me, because that's the same thing I told her last time she tried starting shit, she just reworded it. I told her if my friends talked to me the same way she does then I wouldn't be friends with them) I love you TomNooksBitch! If you ever need to talk give me a call. I'll do what I can!

Me: I wasn't talking down to you . I talk to you the same way I talk to everyone else. I didn't raise my voice or anything. I can't help if you get so easily offended. I don't want to call. I'd rather text because you can't talk over me and I can be sure you understand what i'm saying. (and so I have proof of your crazy) And the only thing I feel like talking about is you acknowledging that you were trying to guilt trip me, and for you to promise you won't do it again. That's the only thing that bothers me. It has nothing to do with the bowls, it's your behavior I have a problem with.

Nmom: Whatever!!!!!!

Nmom: You are being a drama queen!!!!

Nmom: If you don't want me to go fine TomNooksBItch., we will not just let me know! Makes no difference now I can take it or leave it! (I was tempted to tell her not to come but I don't want to risk my dad and sister not coming because she would guilt trip them if they came without her)

Nmom: This texting sucks no more texting call if you want!

Nmom: If you want drama watch the young and the rest of us! haha (I thought she said she was done with the texting. And for those of you who are wondering, she didn't misspell her favorite TV soap opera. When I was a little kid that's what I use to call the show)

Nmom: My behavior is find and in check worry about yourself

Nmom: It was NEVER ABOUT THE BOWLS! it's your attitude toward me! I try soo hard and you push me away! Just plain rude!

Nmom: Not sure about this "guilt thing" that's so 2 years ago!! (um...what?)

Nmom: Feeling like you are hoping we don't come. Sorry if you feel that way, please let me know!

That's it for now. I stopped responding to her towards the end. I don't really see the point. I needed to share those messages with someone. I'm sure she'll have more to say later after a while of me not responding. She always does. I'll keep you guys updated if you want. I really just need advice on how to deal with her if she does come to my sons party. I want the day to be about him, I don't want her to ruren it with her crazy. My husband is good at backing me up, but my dad and sister not so much. I just want to enjoy my son's party and not have to stress out about what's going to set her off.

Edit: Part 2 http://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/2a4mw4/why_dont_you_like_your_mom_shes_crazy_how_is_she/