If my partner weren't asleep, I'd probably be screaming right now. I'm exhausted - mentally and physically, and I just can't deal with this right now. I wasn't going to write this at all, but I'm so fucking full of rage that I can't go back to sleep. UGH.

TL;DR: Nothing I say matters and I can be bothered whenever as I'm just a fucking plebeian that runs on her schedule, DUH.

Imgur link to album with proofs and shit HERE.

My brother called me yesterday, and asked if he and my mother could come and pick up the cards I've been trying to get my mother to come and pick up for weeks now. I told him no, that I was busy... which is kind of a lie, but really, I didn't want to have to deal with my mother on my first day that was really to just sit with my partner and chill ALONE in a while. He was cool with that.

Fast forward about ten seconds and mother dearest picks up his phone (read: pretty much screams at him over and over 'GIVE THAT HERE' until he does), and reitterates that she 'needs those cards'. Yeah, because you've needed them so badly you broke several different appointed times to come and fucking get them. So I tell her no - I am BUSY. I won't be HOME. She says to call her in the morning and tell her how I feel then, because I'm 'being irrational' and 'it will only take a second, just go home when I get there' and 'you won't feel this way tomorrow'. So fuck it, fine. I agreed to call her tomorrow (today) and tell her again, NO NO NO.

*Just as a little side information: I have insomnia, and sometimes, I just don't sleep. I lay around and debate ripping my eyeballs out of my head and painting the walls with my brains at times (no I am not suicidal FYI) because I am so fucking tired. I have currently gone about 5 days without 'real sleep'. I nap once a day, if I'm lucky - for a max of three hours before I'm up again. Probably anxiety. I've been like this on and off for years.

Well, I call at 10:29 a.m. (picture of my call log as first and second pics in the album) and get no answer.... o-kaaaay... and then I wait... and wait... and WAIT for her to fucking call back, because I KNOW her. If I don't tell her NO, she'll take it as a yes. So I call her again at 2:57 p.m. and tell her the following just about verbatim.

I am really upset that you told me to call you to tell you that I can't do the swap again but here I am, telling you that I can't. I am sick of waiting around for you to call me back, so I am going to tell you again, I CAN'T do it, I am going to either be out or asleep because I haven't really slept in like, two days. Please don't bother coming to the apartment.

Apparently even telling her NO now means 'LOL I STILL WILL'.

4:02 p.m., she texts that she 'just' got the message (she lives on her phone - she just either ignored it or she wanted to have it be an excuse) telling me:

Just got your message. If you are gonna be up we will take off in 30 min if you are going to bed that's fine.

And then magically at 4:07

Your voicemail just came through. I didn't ask you to sit and wait. I asked when you would be home So it was convenient for you. I texted back right after you called cuz I tried to call and it went to voicemail. We are going out for dinner and wanted to know if you guys wanted to come.

So she had time to listen to her voicemail between sending texts that close together (lightning fingers!!!) and wanted to play it off like, "Oh look at me, offering to take you out, how nice."

Yeah, a couple things:

• My partner works midnights, and has for almost two years. Everyone, her included, knows that he works nights and will be sleeping.
• My partner and I are both trans and she purposely tries to misgender and call us girls in front of every-fucking-one when we are in public or around my grandpa - even though my 88 year old grandpa uses the right names and genders.
• She will use a $5 dollar grilled cheese meal that she'll INSIST on paying for as a weapon later (ALL THE THINGS I DO FOR YOU WHY DONT YOU DO MORE FOR ME).

So... I wasn't interested.

I replied with:

I left a vm over an hour ago, and called at 10:30am to try and organize things. You know Azzy works midnights. I also haven't slept. I'm trying to. I'm not going to stay up any longer or discuss it any more right now because I haven't slept in two days.

Which is all pretty well true. I didn't reply any more, but she did send a nice whiny reply that, in one fell swoop, both says that she's:

• okay with me not doing the swap (or so it reads)
• not trying to be difficult (yeah, okay)
• was just trying to invite us to dinner
• and my favourite - basically denying that I have sleep problems by adding "Since you haven't slept as you say." at the end.

I can all but hear the fucking sarcasm and haughtiness dripping off 'as you say' in that fucking stupid, shitty, idiot voice of hers.

So... that was it. Quiet.

No complaints after that.

She didn't call me, and I figured that her saying "If you haven't slept and can't, no harm no foul" was her just letting it go.

HA. Ha. ha. Nooope.

So, I fall asleep - and I swear to the WattMaster 3000, the holiest of toaster ovens, she has my brother call me. It is now 5:21 p.m., and I figure something was up... so even though I missed his call because I was asleep, I returned it pretty well instantly.

They were in the parking lot. Right now. They have a bunch of stuff that I left, and my mom NEEDS HER CARDS RIGHT FUCKING NOW. These are insurance cards, that are expired. But she needs them.

So, I have to go out, and deal with her, and lug in shit into my apartment, without my glasses because I couldn't find them...

And now, I can't sleep.

She ruined my sleep.

I am so fucking tired right now. My eyes hurt. I feel nauseous. My teeth hurt from jaw clenching. And she wouldn't shut up forEVER.

It is now just about 7:45 p.m., and I am hating my life really, really, hard.

That's all.

Have a happy pumpkin I drew as a prize for reading this pile of turds.