It’s the Holidays and I’ve always struggled around this time of year generally. This year I feel has been especially tough. I’ve always thought my family doesn’t really know me as a person, chooses to ignore certain parts of my personality or just doesn’t understand.

I’ve been writing it off as nothing but this year it’s hit me pretty hard and I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if what I’m thinking is totally justified.

So in 2024 I was diagnosed with Autism. It wasn’t a big deal to me and hasn’t changed how I live my life. I’m 26 and if anything this diagnosis has been extremely helpful just in terms of helping regulating my feelings in social situations. I’m very successful in my career and I’m proud of who I’ve become - I told my Parents about my diagnosis and they giggled and said “no you don’t” - this reaction was extremely shocking to me.

I always get exhausted around the holidays and I’m starting to understand more as time goes on it’s because my family has no interest in my life and I feel like I’m fighting tooth and nail to even talk to them. This comment kind of got me thinking about my interactions with them over the past few years and I’ve realized I’m always the one to start conversations with them. I’m starting to feel if I stopped making the effort to call or text I would just stop hearing from them.

Christmas morning we were opening gifts and I was given something Star Wars related followed by the comment “you love Star Wars”. Putting on a smile and nodding . Though I’ve never actually seen a Star Wars movie in my life. I also told them I couldn’t take anything large home with me because of how I travelled. They proceed to gift me a full duvet set bigger than the piece of luggage I checked.

I don’t want to come off as spoiled or ungrateful because I recognize people have it way worse and I should be grateful about the physical gifts but this is all just stuff that’s been building up. I feel unheard and like they don’t actually listen or consider what I have to say and don’t attempt to learn about my interests.

They never ask me about work, my life or what I’m getting up to and it’s getting exhausted feeling on the outside and like I don’t fit in.

Anyways I’m sure this is a ramble heavy post but just wanted to get this all off my chest.