Hi all. Longtime lurker, first time poster. My Partner (25f) and I (28m) have been together for four years as of this last August. Marriage has been on the table for a while, but we're kind of slow movers, and the fact I'm posting here means we have a problem:

Her Mother. (Known here out as incubator, egg donor or birth giver. She's lost status as mom in my eyes tenfold)

She meets all the requirements to be mentioned on this particular page. Partner has been in therapy for the better part of two years, has always listened and taken advice of her therapist and I, and reading some of the stories on here just rips my heart out, but also helps me to better understand what she has had to endure for the better part of a quarter century. She fully understands the type of person Incubator is. She fully believes egg donor is an example of the type of person this sub focuses on. But she was raised in Incubator's household all her life. She's struggling with the idea of low or no-contact because, well, she raised her. She's miles better with boundaries, but still answers calls like she'll get in trouble, even though we moved her out of that house less than a year into our relationship (not with me, it was too soon to move in with me, got her a cheap-ish manu home and an acre gifted to her). She is quick to set the boundaries, but this woman has this way of just, getting under her skin. She knows what buttons to press, and partner cracks and does things she doesn't want to do because it will "avoid a fight" (it might avoid that fight, but there's always a worse one around the corner).

I hate to ramble, back to my point. We've been talking more and more seriously about Marriage. I've expressed my concerns about having her birth giver at the wedding. I've already set a line in the sand that if we have kids I don't want her around them. At all. Period. She's agreed to this, wholeheartedly. But when I suggest she not be there she seems kind of hurt, saying she's "her mom and we should invite her at the very least". I was hoping maybe if the wonderful members of this subreddit could maybe give some insight to what they experienced in their own lives on their wedding days. I know many of you probably did a courthouse marriage or what have you to avoid the issue entirely, and she's very tepid on that. I know she wants some kind of ceremony, and I want very much for her to have one. But if it's just going to be ruined by egg donor, it will literally crush my partner. I have never and will never tell her what to do or how to live her life. If egg donor must be there, I will find a way to deal with it on my end and help partner on her end. But I'm dreading the day, all because of that evil woman. Anecdotes can be long, short, vague, detailed. Whatever you think will help me, as my partners person, help my partner. I know how she operates, but many stories I've seen on here tend to describe a massive escalation of tactics on wedding days. If shit has to hit the fan, what speed should it be on, ya know?

God bless all of you and your journeys. True strength exists in this sub.