My mom has schizophrenia for as long as I can remember. The abuse has been mostly verbal and emotional but recently after she (both parents) found out I'm gay, got worse. But, at one point stuff became tough so much, my dad couldn't take it anymore, so we left to a hotel & later an apartment a month later. After that and some thoughts for about a week into the apartment, we finally decided to have her medically checked at an institution for mental disorders. That itself was a whole bunch of hard crap to get her out of the house to actually go get checked but yes, done. 1st time out the nurse practitioners at the institution didn't catch the disorder and let her out as "normal". The problem is that these kinds of people, they might be crazy, but definitely not stupid. Because my mom knew what this was about and since she doesn't believe she's crazy, she knows what to say to not get caught.

So anyway, she gets loose, back to the house & life goes on once again. After a few days, my dad has a friend recommend him another psychiatrist, real one not nurse practitioners. We meet with this psychiatrist and make plans to get her to meet him. But she won't do it because she knows we are trying to do something, so we had to arrange it as a "family counseling" when it really wasn't. It was the only way to get her to see the psychiatrist. And essentially it was easy after that. They were able to see right her & all the crazy claims. She was diagnosed with "schizophrenia" or "paranoid personality disorder". I feel this is important to see. A lot of people may mistake schizophrenia for PPD, because they are pretty similar.

So eventually, we got the overall from the psychiatrist and other institutions to be ready to take her in for meds and like actual treatment from a psych hospital. Now the real problem. We need to get her out of the house to actually get the people to drive her to the institution. So, one thing she kept doing even after us leaving and her not understanding why, she kept calling and texting my dad & wanting to go eat at a restaurant. So, on a day we got her out, went to go eat and had her picked up at the restaurant. No scene, very swift & quick. & then treatment started, just the regular meds for schizophrenia type stuff that i won't go over.

fast forward 2 months, now she's out & a bit better. no i lied. not really. She's better in a sense that she won't actively talk about or abuse about the stuff she's been doing. But the micro stuff still persists, and we can tell she's just holding it in because she doesn't want to go back to the hospital. But overall, the end result is definitely better than what it was before.

Mom's behavior pre-hospital: verbal abuse with slurs about gays, tell me how guys won't love me or anyone, that I would catch a disease 100% and die, that she's sacrificed everything and helped me survive, would talk to me negatively on topics above for 8 hours straight (not even kidding), do short spurts of negative spewing over an hour, start poking me when I'm lying down and say slurs, not let me sleep to talk to me, and be physical if i didn't listen or respond, would make nice-nice with me after 3 days of hell from her but get mad if i didn't act nice and forget everything until then. & paranoid about everything in general (persecution and grandeur)

Mom's behavior post-hospital: overall less talking about the things, still talks, no more physical, paranoia still strongly persists, we can tell the ideas of all the persecution and general view of abuse still persists within although not displayed.

Me pre-mom hospitalized: always on the edge of stress, making sure i say every single sentence or world right to not trigger her bad side, sleeping was the highlight of the day, didn't mind if i didn't wake up, wished someone would just crash into my car or run over me, self ****, no friends, isolated, could only go out of the house for college, but even then mom came to campus with me & sat next to me in class, no social outings, can talk or even look in the way of another human being, was accused for so many things even minor things that literally did not matter, eating levels monitored, can't go to the bathroom without being monitored afterwards, cloths were limited to a plain dark shirt and jeans to go out.

me post-mom hospitalized: i have way more autonomy, i can drive by myself now, I'm not constantly on the edge, i am way more free than i was back then.

So overall, i'm more free, i get to go out on my own and do stuff, eat, have some mild fun, i actually made some friends this semester. I'm at a better mental state right now significantly then i was before. no more bad things to myself. I'm even going to go get a haircut by myself for the first time in 20 years and maybe watch a movie by myself.

The effect unfortunately lasts for sure. i still have no self-worth and feel like a loser whenever i'm by other people who at least sound like they are better off even slightly. jealousy towards everyone. I'm still always worried people may not like me if i'm too talkative or they won't keep connecting with me if i'm too silent. I wait on social media just to wait for them to respond, and the longer it takes them, the more i feel worthless. so self validation is something i'm working on. I am f*cking worried that I may have somekind of mental disorder too or if i develop any in the future like mom.

Some thoughts for other people who may be in similar situation:

These people with the mental disorders, they may be more prone to abusive behavior. schizophrenia and PPD may cause more paranoia. But they are still the ones who decided to abuse you. don't give them a pass because they have a disorder. they chose to act in an abusive way. they are bad. they are ill. not one or the other. they are both.

Don't love them. with all the abuse, you don't need to love them, I certainly don't. Hope she drops dead every single moment still. i will not forgive or forget. no matter what people say like, they were sick or you need to love them since they are your parents, don't listen. they won't get it.

even now out of the hospital, i still let her get away with some drops of words and ideas, which i am working on too. anything resembling past crazy behavior is shut down immediately and she gets to know we will put her back in the hospital if we have to.

Well, that's all. I'm doing good. Hopefully it gets even better for me. Hope everyone else's lives gets better too.