I’m 27 years old. I’ve been NC with my Nparents for over 6 years. Up until now, I have been very disappointed with my life because none of it turned out the way that I wanted it to turn out, largely because of my Nparents horrific abuse.

I didn’t get the childhood I wanted. I didn’t get the adulthood I wanted either, because even with years of no contact, I still deal with severe depression, complex PTSD, panic attacks, borderline personality disorder and chronic pain. I’ve been doing my best to take care of these issues and getting medical attention. But these issues have cost me time, money, caused me lost opportunities, lost income and poisoned my adult life EVEN if my parents are no longer in my life and haven’t been in my life for years. That’s not how I wanted my life to be.

So now I’m grieving. I’m grieving a parallel life where there would have been no abuse & where I would have gotten the love and support I needed and where at this current point in time, I would be living a happier, healthier life that is aligned with my goals, where I would have a lot more financial stability.

I get that everyone at some point goes through shitty times in life and that terrible things they never wanted to happen do happen. But if your life from birth to death is just a life that’s shitty and that you never wanted to live, then what’s the point of living? Might as well not live at all.

It sucks.