It's been almost a year since I have gone no contact with my mother. Interestingly enough, last year, I found myself getting out of a toxic and unhealthy relationship and per usual my mother's lack of support was evident. As she tends to always minimize what I have gone through and suggest that I deserved what happened to me. Regardless, this led to a fight in which after 27 years, I finally set healthy boundaries in place. I did tell her she was a bad mother and that it was unacceptable for her to speak to me the way she had in this disagreement. The situation escalated and completely changed the course of my life. For context, my family is financially well off and they own two homes. I had lived in one of them and they lived in the other. As a response to this argument, when I was at work, my mother went to the house that I lived in and changed all the locks and security codes and made me instantly homeless. Now I don't care if she did not want me there anymore, but the way I was treated was inexcusable and it was merely a way for her to exhibit her control over me in hopes I would come groveling back to her. I still don't have my clothes or belongings, I am fortunate enough that my friends families took me in as becoming homeless overnight is a difficult task to handle. Furthermore, I have always been a daddy's girl and unfortunately he is so warn down from her abuse that he enables it and cannot stick up to her. I miss my dad terribly and I know he misses me but she forbids us having a relationship and I am treated like some dirty secret. He has to sneak away to answer my phone call or lie and say he is at a work meeting to see me on my birthday. I was really angry at my dad for not sticking up for me and for not being there when I needed him, but I can find compassion because I know how narcisstic abuse can make you feel so helpless. I have only seen him twice in a year and when we talk he just apologizes over and over, he always says, "I'm going to fix this, I promise I'm trying sweetie, just hang in there" ..but I know nothing will change because you can't force her to change. My dad is stuck and a victim in his own ways, I feel bad for him and I have found forgiveness because I know he is trying but he feels helpless. A lot has gone on within the family unit and even after, I told my mom all she needed to do to repair our relationship was seek therapy and I'd be willing to work through this and develop a healthier relationship where boundaries are maintained. However, a year later and she still hasn't gone; we have been no contact except occasionally she will try to add me to a family group text to "invite" me to the holidays; which is laughable because that is merely her trying to keep up appearances. I have become so alienated from my family, it's lonely. They know nothing about me anymore, I am currently two months pregnant and I keep saying to my dad..you guys are going to miss out on my life. Nothing changes, no matter how much I begged or pleaded. Though I am proud that after 27 years I stood up to my mother even though the fallout was catastrophic. I find myself going through many waves of sadness with this pregnancy because everyone on my boyfriends family keeps asking about who from my family would come to the baby shower and it's painful to express that I don't really have family. I hate my mom but part of me still loves her but I just have to accept that that is not what love or a true family looks like. My family is full of lies, games, deceit, and the narcisstic ways have taken such a toll on my mind and heart, that most days I'm still unsure of how to fully heal myself.