I'm 35, parents in their mid 60s.

I've managed to go LC over the last few years and it's helped me a lot personally. NDad always manages to squeeze in the "I'd really appreciate if you call more, it's not asking much" etc. practically gets me to promise.

He and my evil Nstepmother have struggled to keep my younger brother and I within their orbit since we became adults and built lives for ourselves. If anything, they should be thrilled after years of browbeating us about getting better jobs and needing to have grandkids.

Unsurprisingly they're awful grandparents. It's not a big deal, my brother and I support each other and we have a great relationship.

Around early December last year my dad got diagnosed with some kind of throat cancer centered around the bottom of his esophagus and above the diaphragm. I'm not really sure, because it's typical for him to deceive and withhold information, even with his health.

I made several attempts to reach out, check in, offer to bring them meals or take my dad to chemo appointments. I also explicitly asked my dad and stepmom to keep my brother and I updated through the process.

I found out today from my brother, who found out from our uncle (dad's brother), that he had an 8 hour surgery today.

Despite all my efforts so far, and lowering my boundaries to try and be there for my dad, this is how it was reciprocated. I had no idea when his surgery was scheduled. I could have called him, met him at the hospital, something.

Finally, at 10:30pm my brother and I get a text from my stepmom:

"FYI - Your father has been battling cancer for the last 3 months and had an 8 hour surgery today. He is ok."

That was it. Why say it like that? Could it be possible she's actually unaware that my dad has told his kids he has cancer?

This all feels like a trap for a guilt trip. I'm furious. I haven't responded yet and I don't know if I will. Is there any moving forward from this? I know that as I reach a point of either going NC or telling them how disrespected I feel, neither has a positive outcome.

Their M.O. for years has been to lie and compartmentalize so that nobody in the family knows what's really going on. They are members of the local country club and care greatly about being seen and having status. My dad asked me not to tell any other family about his cancer. I can't dwell on it anymore. I'm free of their gaslighting and it isn't worth it to dive deeper into the insane family drama and who knows what about whom.

I have so many more stories and 20 years of experience with the two of them. If anyone wants more context or just silly narc shenanigans, let me know.