Context: I am estranged from my father and have been for about 7 years due to consistent abuse. He refused to seek treatment, so I elected to cut him out for my own safety. I also cut out a good portion of family members on his side out as well for similar reasons. One exception to the rule was my aunt. She was always pretty supportive of me and even stood up for me a few times. Until a month ago, we enjoyed a semi-close relationship for several years.

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The trouble started when my aunt (let's call her Dee) sent me a video of my father and his wife/children. I was deeply triggered by it, and I knew I had to say something. I started with a casual message saying that what she sent crossed a line and in the future I wouldn't like to hear about my father anymore.

A week later she texted back with a large paragraph. Dee began by talking about her own experience with abuse. Then then said that she wouldn't purposefully hurt me, but that I couldn't control what others do. She then talked at length about how much she loves my father and implied that I was harboring a lot of hate. She closed by saying that my family was just waiting for me to come back so they could embrace me.

I took about 10 days to respond because it riled me up so much. She's well aware of the harm my father caused, so for her to send that just seems insensitive. When I replied back, I firmly but kindly re-asserted my boundaries, reminded her of the lasting damage that my father caused, and told her that there was no hate involved in my decision.

She replied by saying how heartbroken she was, talked about god a lot (not something she would normally do), and lamented that other family members were being dragged into my "horrible punishment".

I was flabbergasted by that, and I've chosen not to respond to it. I think our relationship is over, I just don't understand how it crumbled so quickly. How could she go from supportive and understanding to subtly lambasting me for a very necessary decision I needed to make for myself? I am so hurt and confused right now, any insight you could give would really help.

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