Hi it’s my first time posting. For a long while I have been wondering what actually is going on with my mother.

For starters I have recently fled domestic violence and I am trying to heal. Therapy has brought up some queries from my own childhood.

As a child I’ve always been described as a brat, that I caused every argument in our home, that I was spoiled, nothing was ever enough, nasty and demanding. I’ve always just accepted that.

First, I was around 7 years old when I was bullied at school, it got physical and my mother went and spoke to a teacher. She was however friends with the bullies mum, and refused to say anything to her because her mother had died. Meanwhile I was being assaulted in school daily.

My mother used to slap and grab me. If we argued she’d storm out the house in rage and ignore both me and my dad when we tried to contact her, leading to panic. I was overweight, she became obsessed with this and would say things like “you would be really pretty if you lost weight” I’ve had every insult in the book, my hairs a mess, my boobs are saggy/wonky, if I’m bloated she accuses me of being pregnant, I’ve been called a slut for wanting to talk to her about contraception. Again. I just accepted it, it has however always hurt to hear her speak nice about other girls that she works with who are my age , knowing the compliments never extend to me When my father died she basically ignored me and made comments comparing me losing my dad to her losing hers, I wasn’t allowed to say I was sad as she watched him die and I didn’t so she had it worse. She always has it worse Privacy issues, she has always delved into anything I said, there were no normal opportunities during teenage years like lying about staying at a friends when you’re drinkin in a field as she would delve until she found out then use it against me for years after. Even now, she’ll go in my pockets, check call logs on my phone bill everything and if I pull her on it she manages to spin it saying I wouldn’t be angry if I wasn’t hiding something. I’m not hiding anything

Everything I do is criticised, my parenting, my appearance, everything.

Here’s the kicker, I have fled DV, this is her new stick to beat me with as she now accuses me constantly of being with the abuser, makes snide remarks about it and has referred to him as “not a monster” because he bought our daughter a birthday present. Most of all, her reaction to someone abusing her baby is off, she doesn’t seem to care, I had a bad facial injury because of the abuse last year and she accused me of putting makeup on.

In result of this I am a chronic people pleaser, I lie and tell people what they want to hear, I am extremely secretive and I genuinely feel like no one cares about me so I often keep things, like the abuse to myself. If I pull her on the treatment of me after my fathers death she gives me "oh here we go again" yet she will still bring up stuff I did at 14 y/o and try make it relevant to my behaviour now. I'm literally 27 and nothing like I was at 14.

Sorry this post is so long. It’s a big vent and I have no other outlet as everyone in our family thinks she is lovely.

Does anyone have any insight? Is this narcissism? As she is lovely to her friends and other family members? Am I gonna suffer this forever?