I’ve come to the realization recently that I litterally have no family besides my maternal grandmother and my mother’s brother. A little back story on my life my mother had me at 19 my father was 22. My father wasnt present for most of my childhood and the first time I remember meeting him was when I was 7 (My father ran back to Florida shortly after I was born). This led me to be raised by a single mother who I believe wasn’t ready for a child. My childhood was the furthest thing from stable as I bounced around not able to get stable footing. My mother was in abusive situations constantly and at times I was raised by my maternal grandmother and her boyfriend (who I saw as a grandfather since mine wasn’t around much). My parents did get back together when I was 8 and I was moved to Florida by my mother only to move back to the northeast a year later. This time of my life was both my most stable and most traumatic as I lived with my maternal grandparents even when my parents didn’t. My grandfather died when I was 12 which caused yet another move. Over the next couple years things were stable but awful. My father was into drugs and a drunk while my mother was out doing whatever she was doing, but she even tried to kill herself when I was 13 by alcohol poisoning. My parents split once again which led to several moves in a short period of time. I went to 4 different schools in 9th grade which ultimately led to me being held back. At this time my mother jumped from guy to guy until she settled on my grandmother’s landlord’s brother. At first things seemed okay my mother and him moved us up to New York where I started school and finished at that same school. This move also dragged me away from any family I had as my Grandmother was back in Massachusetts and my uncle of whom was more of a father figure than my own was in New Hampshire. The guy turned out to be abusive mostly emotionally but there are times I don’t know how it didn’t come to blows. I was able to shield myself from this by staying busy with sports and theater. I was kept in this situation because until maybe just before the end my mother refused to acknowledge the verbal abuse I was suffering and being told that if I tried to not set him off I’d be fine. I had developed a relationship again with my father around late high school after he met my stepmother but it has always been strained since he still has a drinking problem . With that said I had a decent relationship with my stepmom so I was able to escape by going down to Connecticut and visiting with them even getting to the point where I contemplated moving in with them and going to school there. Which was met with my mother telling me that she raised me and some argument about how my father was a deadbeat who didn’t want me when I was a child. I survived high school and went away to college. I made sure the college was residential so I can get out of my living situation. I did a year out in central NY where I has enjoying the freedom but I following in my mothers footsteps was in a relationship with an emotionally manipulative woman. We end up breaking up and I switched colleges. While I was at my new school my mother’s actions led me to practically be homeless if it weren’t for the family of a girl I had started seeing shortly before. Her family let me live with them on breaks in which I didn’t go down to my father’s. That arrangement had its ups and downs and we had eventually gotten our own place after we graduated. During that time my mother met someone and looked to be turning things around until he died and she reverted to her old ways again. The relationship between her and my significant other was very strained and made worse when my mother stayed with us in our apartment. The was only supposed to have stayed a couple weeks but after a month and no signs of any progress with her getting her own place, my wife gave me the ultimatum that either my mother leaves or her. In which again met with the “I raised you” argument. After days of hard contemplation I let my mother go homeless. I thought this experience would had given her a reality check and it had appeared to have worked. Now my relationship with my father had soured a bit in the years before my son was born as it had appeared that I was thrown on the back burner by him and my stepmother, to help my “brother” (ex step-brother from my fathers first marriage). This led to my father and I going camping to hash things out. I learned that a lot of the things my mother had used against him in arguments were manipulations of truth and that the reason I had not met him until 8 was because my mother had kept me from him. In reality him and my 1st step-mother had tried to obtain custody of me when I was 4. things improved only to revert back to where they were and now unless we travel to them. They never see my son. Since my son was born my mother helped a lot before we had gotten him into daycare, but since she has gone back to work she hasn’t seen him that much which I get she works. She often complains how she never sees him (usually because she’s too busy with some guy). Fast forward to my son’s birthday. This was his first actual birthday party since he was turning 3 and actually old enough to enjoy it. We had told everyone well in advance. We had a lot of no shows (almost all my side of the family) but most had a good reason, for example my best friend and his wife couldn’t come because their child got sick that morning. My mom did show but she was telling us that she couldn’t stay long because she “didn’t like driving in the dark”. I get that but dark wasn’t for another 3.5 hours and the party would be over by then. After about 45 minutes she told us that she was gonna leave soon (after spending most of her time there outside smoking). I was teasing her about the fact it’s not even close to dark and asker her if she has a hot date. Then she came out and said yes. At first I thought she was joking, but she was serious. She then left and my son was very upset a he loves her (she watched him 3-4 days a week for a year).

Afterwards my wife (the same woman whos family helped me a lot due to my mother’s issues) talked and we have the same feelings at this point. I have a horrible family life and only have 2 people I can trust. This hurts her to watch as she’s always had a good family life.